Goodbye My Friends, Its Not The End.....

Some of my leaving gifts

After a year and 4 months, the time came to say my goodbyes to team Cisilion  😢

My departure can best be described as bitter sweet. Obviously, I wanted to give up  job, but that meant giving up spending everyday, with some of the greatest people, I've had the pleasure of working with. Its been, what's felt like an entire month of drinking and laughing to bring to a close a pretty epic chapter of my life. Not too mention the beautiful basket of leaving gifts that I got.💛 

Not only have I made amazing friends with some, of the people I've worked with, I've also gained some new buddies throughout the building. The universe really does bring the most unexpected people into our lives. Like my wonderful sales support team - my awesome partner in crime Sabs, my weird but lovely Victor, my always smiling sweetheart Demi and my Darling Nutjob Caroline aka Sarah. LOL (Inside joke) Oh and Bob and Judy (also an inside joke) Yes, Caroline and I spent a lot of our time talking about stupid funny shit. My favourite  account manager (don't tell the others, although I'm pretty sure they already know...lol) My Fabulous work wife Dee aka My Deidre. My Incredible ladies at reception - my Navjit, my Shan, my Roberta and Mumsie Lynne to name a few.

When I woke up Saturday, after my epic leaving do (well the final one) it dawned on me, I'd no longer be seeing all of these beauts on a daily basis and that made me a little sad. It also reminded me, once I start a new job, I'll have to go through the motions of getting to know new people again. None of which, will replace you guys above mentioned up, just to be clear 😅 Its the end of an era, but I've made friends that I will carry into my future.

Now that one chapter has closed, it leaves room for a new one to open. Overthinking me, went into overdrive about what that means. What will this new chapter be? Will it work out? However, I'm reminding myself to be excited rather than scared. Too look forward to what the future could hold, rather than to panic about it. Its a new start after all. Anything's possible. #newbeginnings

So I decided to take this week to relax, have a little me time and to work on getting my mind ready for this new chapter. I've been doing HIIT workouts and a little bit of yoga, whilst working on my tan and catching up on some TV shows. I've even started meditating again. I want the next step in my life, to be THE step in the right direction, so I'm taking actions now to make that happen.

Before my last day at Cisilion, we had a cheese and wine session put on from the lovely ladies at Landmark. They had a motivational speaker come in, who spoke about his journey for creating new habits. Over the last 10 years him and his wife and created 40 new habits as part of the quest to lead a better life. The one thing he said that resonated with me, was about his best practice to creating these habits. He recommended that we do not form too many habits at once. As well as not establishing too many habits, we should also take our time when creating them. Start with either 2 little ones or 1 big one at a time, and to slowly integrate these into our lives. i.e. if you decide to start going to the gym, on your first day, don't hop on the treadmill and try to run 100k, because the likelihood is, by day 2 or 3, you will have burned out and it wont go back. So I'm on a mission to incorporate small habits into my life at a pace that helps them stick.

Mindset is my first one. Without that, nothing else will fall into place.

As I say goodbye to August (and apparently play-suits, as the sun looks like its packed its bags and pissed off for another year) below are a few experiences I've had with friends, that were positive, entertaining and quite frankly a laugh.

Dee's Baby Shower - A beautiful day, spent with the girls, to celebrate the pending arrival of baby Aurora. The weather was great, it gave me the opportunity to travel to Kingston-upon-Thames for the 1st time, drink pink prosecco and get on a bouncy castle for the first time in over a decade. 

Dinner Date With Me Linz - My lovely Lindsay was over from South Africa. So we went for drinks and a little dinner at Granary square to have a go old catch-up













Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow 💖

Head High, Drama Low

I have chosen to use an image of myself for today's post, as a reminder, that even with all of the highs and lows of the last month, I'm still capable of rocking my smile.

I haven't written a post in so long, I thought I may have forgotten my login details. Spoiler alert, I didn't.

Whoever said it was easier to find a job, whilst in your current one, clearly does not work for my company. Finding the time to speak to people, let alone apply or interview has been full time work in itself. It's also a very overwhelming process. On top of that, there's dealing with the disappointment of not getting jobs that I've interviewed for. That was difficult to deal with, as it made me feel a little rejected and for a minute like I wasn't good enough. Some companies have been nice and given feedback as to why I was unsuccessful. Some have just given radio silence. Some will only consider you, if you have experience in that particular industry or role, which can make changing careers a little daunting. Job searching this time round has been a real eye opener. But I'm doing my best to remain positive, that something great will come my way soon.....so watch this space. Below are a few things I learned whilst looking for a new job...

1) Monotony - Lets be real, job hunting can be super boring. Applying for job after job, especially if you are not getting any results can make you want to punch your laptop. Try uploading you CV to some of the main job boards, so at least employers can see you, when searching for candidates.

2) Alerts - Set up alerts for the type of roles you're looking. That way roles you may be interested in can be emailed to you. The 5 I like to use are:

• Total Jobs 
• Reed
• CV Library 
• Indeed 
• Monster 

3) Linkedin - If you don't already have a Linkedin Profile...get one. Its great for looking for jobs, following companies and keeping up to date with whats going on the employment world. 

4) Job Specs - Really read through these, to understand if its a job you definitely want. Take note of whats required from you, but also what the company offer. Finding a job is not solely about what you can do for a company, your best interests  and well being matter too.

5) Discouragement - The most important one of all. Trust me, its easy to become discouraged, when you're not hearing back from people and you start to panic. We all have bills to pay, so not getting responses can start to weigh heavily on us and this can draw you into a negative head space. Try to remain positive. Even as I'm writing this post I don't have another job to go to. But I'm keeping my head up and having faith that it will work out. 

As the above has left me rather.....lets say a little discombobulated, I've been spending more of my time out socialising with friends. Which, don't get me wrong has been great for a laugh and giving me a multiple sounding boards, but little less great the morning after. However despite the 6pm Prosecco runs, I've made time for a couple of other things

I sure as hell made the time go and see Fast & Furious: Hobbs and Shaw - 😍 Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham and Idris Elba, all on the same screen, now that's what I call a dream team. I mean not literally obviously, as Idris played the baddie (and a damn good one at that) But minus the perving on the 3 hotties, I enjoyed the plot and all of the action. My friend that I went to see it with did not agree, so needless to say we are no longer friends. Just Kidding. Kind of 😅 Those of you that know me, are aware that I like a cinema trip. If you get the chance to visit an Everyman Cinema - I highly recommend it.

If you are ever in the Kings Cross area drop into Granary Square. There are soooooo many  Bars and Restaurants to check out that you would not even know are there. To name a couple....

Little Creatures - Little Creature - They have an onsite brewery. Obviously I had prosecco, but my friend tried one of their beers and didn't complain. Which says a lot...lol

The Lighterman - The Lighterman - Located in a beautifully shaped building with seating inside and out, across 2 floors over looking the square. They do one of the best Calamari's I've had in some time and a mean lamb chop. Good for chilling with friends or date night.

   

   

We also caught the end of opera performance and went to the opening of  Samsung KX. Now I'm team iphone all day, but this store is definitely worth visiting. Its in a weirdly shaped building (weird in a good way) and is more like an experience than a shop. You could try your hand at VR car racing, electronic spray painting, play video games in mock living room, and test out new speakers. I believe there was even a photo booth. They had a TV that cost £350K (in case anyone needs an idea for my next birthday) and lots of other cool stuff .

I've also currently started reading a new book "The Fix" by David Baldacci and I can honestly say, I am hooked already. I wont spoil it by telling you whats happened so far, but you can already tell, "looks can be deceiving" is going to be the biggest point of this book.

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow 💓

Fight or Flight

Today being the 1st of July (Well it was when I first started writing this post) can only mean one thing....

Photo by Ty Williams on Unsplash

There are now only 177 days, until I have to leave a note, explaining to Santa that there are no cookies left out for him because, quite frankly I don't share. To be fair he does most of his work in one night, so he's probably better of with a protein shake.

The 1st of July, officially signifies that we're half way through the year. 6 months ago, half of us we're cramming in those last wedges of Christmas cake, washing it  down with eggnog, whilst online shopping for running shoes and kettle bells. I didn't make any resolutions this year as I'm shit at sticking to them. Instead I made a pact with myself to simply make the effort  to live a better life. I'm happy to report, the pact didn't fall to shit by the 2nd Jan. I've achieved more than a couple of things in the first 6 months of 2019 that I'm super proud of

Photo by Gabriela Gutierrez on Unsplash

• Dry Jan & Dry Feb 🤯
• Started My Blog 💓
• Indoor wall climbing (without harnesses) 😨
• Went to Geneva 😄
• Started a skin care regime 👌
• Realising the importance of Self-Love 👍
• Tried some new recipes 😋

Obviously there are still things that I want/need to work on (like burning off this extra layer of "Thermal Muscle" surrounding my mid section) but I'm proud of the progress I have made so far. 

That's how the month started.....

By the 11th of July, things kind of turned on their ass. I fell into a mental health black hole. I was at home buried under a dark cloud of depression for 6 days. Honestly, I should've seen it coming. Over the last 10 weeks, I've been on an emotional roller coaster that would give Thorpe Park a run for its money. I've been stressed out, overly worried, exhausted and unhappy. Rather than taking the time out to process all of the things I already had going on, I just kept piling more on. I kept telling myself  "Push through it, it will be okay" or "Other people cope with shit going on, why cant you?" or  "There isn't time to deal with this now" The irony in the last one, is that I didn't think I had the time to look after myself. Cue The Mind Fuck twins stepping in to say "Bitch, I'm here, to make you, make time" and true to form I had to take a week off of work, to spend some time looking after myself.

That meant having to tell my job exactly what was going on. Which was scary as hell. You never know how people are going to take it when you tell them something like that. Will they judge me? Will they understand it? Will they tell other people? Will they look at me differently? Will they think I just need to pull myself together? Will they think I'm weak or lesser of a person? Telling them increased my vulnerability and made me worry more. Because essentially you take a risk, when telling people about your mental health. Especially work. Legally, they have to support you, but it doesn't take away the stigma that can sometimes be left in their minds. But I didn't want to lie to them and thankfully my workplace were supportive. They offered me counselling if needed and emphasized that I wasn't alone and that they would do whatever they could to support me throughout this time. I still worry that people will look at me differently, but that's something I need to get over. Anyone judging me for my state of mental health, is not someone  important enough for me to worry about their opinion.

The first few days, my mind was chaotic but I also felt completely numb. I was feeling quite defenseless. I've been doing my best to push away fear and doubt and yet they seemed to be surrounding me like the army of the dead surrounded Winterfell. I became so anxious I was making myself nauseous. My emotions were all over the place and I was beating myself up over that fact that I had let it get this bad. I was torn between wanting to give up on trying and wanting to fight. Thanks to some encouraging words from some lovely friends and family members,  my inner badass rocked up, told my weakness "Bye Felicia" and resumed its duties of upholding my strength.

As much as I didn't think I had the time to spare to look after myself, I'm glad I took the week off. It gave me the opportunity to take everything off of my plate and really look at what actually needed to go back on. It allowed me re-group and remember what I was trying to accomplish and what I was trying to fuck right off. By Thursday I was able to do a workout and get out into the garden to read a book. By Friday, I was in a better state of mind,  for when my Brother from Another Mother Prince 💙 came to visit me. We sat chatting for hours and it was  really helpful. By Saturday I was able to go food shopping.

I read a quote that said "Don't focus on the staircase, focus on the step in front of you"

That resonated with me. I've been panicking about finding a new job, as I finish up my current one in 6 weeks. I've been rather unhappy, with it and feel that unhappiness has spilled into the rest of my life. So I've taken a leap of faith and decided to walk away. Of course, I'm shit scared! I don't have another job to go to...yet! But, this particular role (and I must stress its not the people, most of them are actually really lovely. okay half of them...lol) is stressful and draining in ways that it doesn't need to be. I'm excited about the prospect of finding something new. I have to keep reminding myself to be positive about the future and not let fear of not finding something eat away at me. Also, its a great opportunity to try something new. Maybe a totally different role or industry. The truth is apart from a steady wage and not seeing certain people everyday, I don't regret my decision. So onwards and upwards. Here's to taking a chance on myself. 

Moral of the story.... 

Make time for yourself. Nothing else will matter if you don't. They say you cant pour from an empty cup. You cant do anything with a broken one. I knew I should've taken time out, but I got so caught up with keeping things ticking over, with every new task or situation  I took on, I pushed myself further to the back of the line. This is "NOT ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR" As of today, 16th July, I have slowed down but importantly I've calmed down. I've been doing more things that are beneficial for my well-being. Like what? you ask. I started watching some TED talks ( I KNOW, I'm super late) on looking after myself, have been listening to more jazz, watching a little less TV, applying for jobs without panic and eating a little better. I've also put myself on a teeny tiny booze ban. No, I'm not worried that I'll get through the worlds supply of Prosecco by the next world cup. It's more about better mental clarity & balanced blood sugars. Plus, its only for a week or so.

I'd like to give a shout out to my pal Linz. I met her at my last company and she lives is South Africa, so I only get to see her a couple of times a year (Or whenever someone can convince Brendan to pay for her ticket 🤣). I didn't realise she kept up with my blog.  A few weeks ago she sent me the most heart warming message, telling me that not only did she love my blog, that she found it helpful and  looked forward to new posts. She advised me to continue the great work. It meant the world to me, that not only had she taken the time out to tell me that, but also that my writing was doing more than just making people laugh. So thank you my darling linz. 😘

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow💝