Flying Solo

One of the scariest words in the English language is "Alone"

Is this because the term alone, is so heavily associated to loneliness? The perception seems to be that if we are alone, then we are lonely. When in reality, even if you are surrounded by people, you can still feel like you are alone. 

I have been delving into this more recently. I suffered with crippling loneliness for a long period of time. People assume that because I have a great family, an amazing circle of friends and pretty much have a smile tattooed to my face, that I couldn't possibly suffer with loneliness. But the actuality is, stuffing my face late at night to fill a void I wasn't aware I had, happened. Emotional & stress eating have been my biggest lesson into how I'm feeling. Up until recently, I'd spent the last few years drowning my feelings, in late night chocolate, cheesecake and crisp binges. 

I'm not totally out of that mindset yet, but I'm aware of it now and am working through it. The downsides to emotional eating are A) Not actually working through your feelings B) Weight gain. Now I know that working though my feelings, is the more important of the two, psychologically. However, It's the weight gain that hits me the hardest. I become unhappy with the way I look, leading to me becoming more isolated, therefore leading to feeling lonelier. Its like fat bastard said in Austin Powers...

                " I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat"


It truly is a vicious circle. One that can be broken, if you start to question why you're doing it. So that's what I did. Based on when, I was filling up on junk food, I was able to pinpoint that it was at mainly at times when I felt the loneliest. Times where I was at home, on my own, when all I wanted was to be out about in the world. I felt like I was missing out, because I didn't have anyone around, at the drop of a hat to socialize with. It took a few months of  mulling this over,  for the dimmer switch to start turning clockwise to brighten up that light bulb that had just gone off in my head. I wanted to turn it back anti-clockwise, because the thought that was occurring was a scary one....."How about you start doing stuff on your own?" Now as with all positive thoughts, there are a swarm of negative thoughts that can accompany them. People will think I'm a weirdo if I'm out on my own? I will be lonelier if I'm out surrounded by couples/groups? Whats if someone kidnaps me because I'm by yourself? (This one is more of a me thought. Honestly, with a right hook like mine, it shouldn't be a problem, but with films like Taken and Saw out there - you have to think about these things) So once I had navigated through the rational concerns, I knew what had to be done.

Now,  just because I had worked through those thoughts, it didn't make taking that first step any easier.  I knew how to be on my own......in the comfort of my own house, but to be in public, was a little different. Yes, we all have times of being on our own whilst in public, but that's usually attributed to meeting up with someone else. I had to get my head around leaving my house, to go and do an activity, knowing that no one else was joining me. So I started with baby steps (as I've mentioned in previous posts). 

Going to the cinema - an activity where you're in the dark and not going to be talking to anyone anyway. I will say its easier to do this earlier in the day. Less people around and if your lucky you get the whole screen to yourself. But definitely something I will be trying in the late evening, because why shouldn't I. Why should I feel restricted, to going at times where people wont see me on my own. People travel by themselves all of the time, they don't book morning flights so that less people see them alone on the plane.

So after my first few cinema trips, I did coffee - which actually really wasn't such a big deal for me, because I love to read. So why wouldn't I grab a chair in a coffee shop and get my read on. The most intimidating steps were lunch and dinner. I'm so used to eating with other people and having conversations - I felt a little nervous. But then,  I eat lunch at least 4 days a week, by myself catching up on my TV shows out of choice. So why was this any different? The truth is, its not. I merely needed to apply the theory of, if it doesn't bother me at work, it shouldn't bother me anywhere else. 

Here's the craziest part of this experiment....at least 5 out of 10 outings have resulted with me engaged in conversation with random people. (I know, stranger danger, but as previously stated I know what a throat punch is and am not afraid to use it).  I just end up starting or becoming apart of random conversations with people.  Now I get that, that could be easier for me than it is for others, because  I'm like BT and think its good to talk. But even if you are not a chatty Cathy, you never know where something as simple as a smile could take you. A single repartee could lead to you making a new friend. It could lead to a conversation, that reminds you that even though you came out with the intention of being by yourself, you still interacted with someone and sometimes that small interaction, can be the hammer to smash off another padlock to the cage of loneliness you are living in. On the other hand sometimes its just a day out to remind yourself, that every now and then, you should love spending some time by yourself. You never know when your life could change. 

I've been feeling a little overwhelmed recently, thankfully due to positive things going on. It feels like I'm juggling a lot, which has distracted my focus and calm. The awareness of this came from my eating habits becoming a little erratic. Its like my tummy shot a cannonball up to my tongue, with a post it attached reading " We know you like the taste, but spare a thought for the waist" So yesterday I woke up with one purpose. Spend some time, out by myself, to calm down. Here's how I did it...

1) Walk the Walk - Now I usually do this my by myself anyone. It gives me time to work through my thoughts, whilst getting in a bit of exercise. It was also a really sunny morning - giving me that little extra boost of serotonin. 

2) Nails - This was not meant to be on today's agenda , but one of them chipped and being as OCD as I am, it was a no brainer about getting it repaired. 

3) Starbucks & A Book - I am at that peak point in my current book - Mrs Fletcher by Tom Perrotta, where all I want to do is keep reading. Thankfully upon grabbing my short oat milk latte, there was a sofa available in the garden area of Starbucks, where sat I engrossed for 2 hours. 

4) Dinner - As I'd only had scrambled eggs and toast after my walk, I was more than slightly peckish by now. Seeing as Pizza express have brought back their Pollo Milanese - Breaded chicken with rockets and sun-dried tomatoes, this quickly became my nominated dinner location. Don't ask silly questions, of course I had the dough balls (I burned 650 calories that morning, it wasn't even a debate) and a cheeky glass off prosecco to go with it. Although that one was pizza's express fault. Their ice machine was broken so I couldn't have a sparkling water with ice and lemon. lol. I continued to read whilst eating and even though the restaurant started to fill up with people, I didn't feel like the odd one out. I was comfortable being on my own. 

5) Jazz Music - I had a a few things to take care of at home. The usual, seasoning meat, washing & ironing clothes, changing bed linens, getting my bag ready for work - weekly mundane tasks which I  started find to be more enjoyable if I have music or a podcast going in the background. I have been collecting a lot of Jazz play lists on YouTube, so I loaded a new one up and skipped my ass through my tasks. 

I was planning on watching a film in bed, but I fell asleep before I had even decided what to watch. I made a point of staying in bed this morning and watching the A-team , rather than jumping up and rushing though the day. Its the little reminders that we need to give ourselves that will have the most impact on our progress. I'm feeling calmer, I have more focus and feeling a lot more confident about dealing with this week. 

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow💖

Sadness Survival

Do you ever have one of those days, where the universe seems to wake and be like, how can I mess with this persons life today?

You know, just sitting there, on their little universe pedestal, doing that evil muahaha laugh? Hands gently clasped together, tapping its finger tips, plotting like Jafar from Aladdin. 

That’s how my day started off. I got all the way to my desk at work, when I realised, I had left my second bag in Starbucks. Meaning I had to break into a Usain Bolt type sprint - in platform boots I might add, out of my building and back to my 'chill before work' spot. Thankfully, to my utmost relief, my bag was still sitting there like an abandoned puppy. Once back at work, I was hit with the realisation that my lunch, was still sitting pretty in the fridge...... in my house. Now normally, these kind of events this early in the morning,  would have had me marching, straight back out of the door, to grab whatever snack I deemed necessary,  to cheer myself up. But today, I decided I was going to try and work through it, with a positive mental attitude.

I wasn't going let my brain convince me, it was a good idea, to get super worked up....especially being that it was only 9:30 am and I still had the whole day to get through. But more importantly, I needed to reiterate to myself, that what had happened so far, was not worth me fretting over. These were not situations that weren't solvable, as my bag was still in Starbucks and I could buy lunch. So I took a couple of deep breaths and continued to get on with my day. I mean with such a mad morning,  surely everything had to be all peachy from here right. 

Cue major eye roll. Of course, it wasn't plain sailing from there onward. One of my work colleagues, in the other office, majorly pissed me off, to the point where I actually tried using the force to throat punch him from London. When I figured out, I wasn't  actually a Jedi, it made me think about why his actions bothered me so much. Partially, was because he was being a bit of a dick about the situation, but mostly, it was because I was dealing with other things going on. I've been ridiculously, overwhelmed over the last week. My mind isn't focused.  I have questions that need answers I don't have. I'm feeling fat, from this weekends crap carb loading. Something was making me sad, which was causing me to be more tense and stressed. No it wasn't hormones - I checked the calendar. 

I had my 1 year review at work, and got amazing feedback from my account managers. But started crying immediately after. Which obviously made no sense to me, because I hadn't gotten bad news. However, crying led me to call one of my account managers,  into a meeting to discuss one of the major things on my mind. My job. Talking to him helped me to gain some perspective, on at least how I was looking at the situation. We had a chat, he gave me his honest opinion, his professional opinion and his "My Pal" opinion. I valued the last one the most. He really is one of the best guys, I have ever met.  Don't get me wrong, on a night out he is super stupid, but always has me laughing my ass off. Which inevitably, is how this little chinwag ended. I had a better viewpoint on this particular situation. I was then able, to have a chat with another one of my account managers,  and my work partner in crime, which helped me to lighten the load I was carrying. Everything wasn't sitting so heavily on my shoulders and making me feel so weighed down anymore. I ended up going for a couple of drinks with a few colleagues after work (literally 2 proseccos, it is only Tuesday after all) and just having a laugh. 

Its so easy to become overwhelmed, with every day life. Easier for some more than others. I like to think that I can just brush my shoulders off when shit hits the fan, but today's reality check reminded me, I still have a some way to go with handling my emotions & my well being. I felt weak, because most of the issues over whelming me, are not the biggest things I have had to face. Yet they had such a big impact. However, all lessons are important no matter the size. I'm not weak because, I couldn't deal with all of the above at once, I'm human. We all have times when we are stronger and better equipped to deal with certain situation/emotions. As well as times when we are weaker and have to try that little bit harder to overcome them. Acknowledging that fact, was today's victory. So I had to shed a few tears to get there - I was wearing water proof mascara.  I'm now a little less stressed out about some of the thoughts occupying my head. Result. I'm not as calm and as clear as I would like. I'm still having a 'feeling fat' day. It probably hasn't helped that I have just eaten crisps for dinner. But I can and will take steps rectify that. So there's no need to panic. 

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow 💗

Girlie Giggles & Roman Fries

Managing to go out for a few drinks on a Friday night, and not ending up going out out, is definitely going on my list of achievements for this week. 

It started off with the customary “Let’s just go for one” which 9 times out of 10 is just the opening line, to either an epic adventure or a catastrophic memory bank of events the following morning. Thankfully last night resulted in 5 Proseccos, Roman Fries ( Chips with Parmesan, truffle and rosemary - which I actually got for free as they brought over haloumi fries instead), a good girlie chat with my work pal Sabs and tucked up in (albeit slightly tipsy) with an M&S chocolate bar by 11pm.

All in all, it was a successful attempt at not joining the hungover herd this morning. We also had quite the giggle. We talked about everything from our current endeavours to brexit. She encouraged me (with the help of one of our new colleagues, who should hopefully be bringing in a duck Shepard’s pie next week 😋) to join bumble. She reassured me to keep up with my blog, as not only had she seen a difference in me since I began writing it, she also enjoys reading it. Which made my jaw cramp up from smiling. I helped her to covertly “redistribute” 😆 some flowers from one location to another, as well as discussing her need to go on holiday. She wants to relax but more importantly, wants to get a tan. I told her I also needed to work on my tan, to which she gave me the look most people give me when I say that. Probably because I’ve been rocking a pretty decent tan since birth, but we can all use a top up. She was weighing up the options between actually getting away to somewhere sunny or fake tanning. I couldn't really weigh in on this as I have never fake tanned, which the look on my face probably conveyed as rather than expect an actual answer from me on the subject, she simply replied “White Girl Problems” to which we both almost fell off our chairs with laughter. 

She is probably one of the most random people I have ever met, and I need a mute button for her when she's had her afternoon Starbucks (think toddler drinking a can of coke). However she really does have the biggest heart, is always up for a laugh, gives me the most jokes and is just an all-around cool cat. 

Now as much as I wasn't hungover this morning, I didn't drink enough water before going to bed last night, so I did have to gulp down what felt like an entire river upon opening my eyes this morning. But I was up and out by 8 am getting this walk done. I did have to take a little nap not long after getting back, but if you can't nap on a Saturday, what is the world coming to? I also realised - when I saw it pop up on sky movies today, that I have never actually seen all of Wayne’s World. I know, I know, it's ridiculous behavior on my part. I should be rectifying that over the next 24 hours. 

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow ❤️

Climbed Out The Comfort Zone

Honestly, I’m surprised I can even type today's post. My arms are aching so much I’ve spent half the day just stroking them, telling them everything’s going to be alright. 

I went indoor climbing at Arch Climbing Wall in Bermondsey last night, with me Rooley. She’s been climbing for about 8 months and she’s bloody gangsta at it. I saw a video she posted on insta of her climbing and I wanted to give it try. Plus it was a good excuse for us to hang out. 

We got lost trying to find the place. We learnt yesterday that there are times that we both have the ability to be shit at reading maps. Seriously it would have been easier to have found Narnia. Thankfully we bumped into a lady who just happened to be going to the same place as us and managed to use the directions her friends had given her to get us there. There was a queue to get in when we arrived. Apparently this one is a very popular location. So I got registered, got changed, picked up my climbing shoes and off we went. Being the anxious Annie that I am, as much as I had been looking forward to trying this, I did wake up with an element of fear. With my luck with injuries, I was sure there was a higher chance of me plummeting to my death (I know, proper drama queen) When I voiced these concerns at work, everyone soothed my overzealous mind, by reminding me that I would be strapped into a harness, controlled by someone else, so I had nothing to worry about. That statement went a long way to putting my mind at rest. 

Fun fact, Arch climbing doesn't use harnesses. You just climb. Climb up. Climb down. Climb side to side. Even climb horizontally. So upon realising that I would be climbing up a wall, with the only person to rely on for not falling being myself, It occurred to me that I could either pull up a stool in the little cafe and read my book, whilst waiting for Rools, or I could strap on a pair and starting climbing. Thankfully it was the latter. To be fair, all of the floors are covered with crashmats. I managed 4 climbs before my body gave out. This shit takes its toll on you physically. It didn't help that the higher I climbed the more fear set in. However, it's a damn good workout and I have to say it does get you quite determined to get to the top each time you climb. By my 3rd climb I was gaining a little confidence and was starting to find my stride. By the time I had finished the muscles in my forearms were dead. Holding myself up on was about to become impossible. That was my cue to have a walk round and just watch other people. I have to say, some of the climbers, I saw amazed me. The body strength and the technique were impressive. 

I'm not sure I’ll be climbing as my regular workout, but I definitely want to give it another go and soon. I enjoyed it and would like to see, how I get on with less fear and more practice. Plus you just get talking to people, which makes it a social activity as well as a physical one. As far as trying something new goes, this experience gets a 👍🏾 from me. I had to bring my mouth down to my toothbrush rather than the normal bring my toothbrush up to my mouth this morning, because my arms a literally dead, but it was totally worth it. 

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow ❤️

Tune of The Week

I have a new song in my life 😁 I say have,  I didn't write or sing it. I simply purchased it from iTunes.

Yes, I’m aware that you can download or stream from Apple Music, but I like to buy my songs like I like to buy my DVDs. It’s just my thing. I actually bought 7. There is a clear favourite (this is made obvious by the fact that it's been on repeat for the last half hour). I do tend to do this with songs when I first buy them, hence the birth of the playlist Tune of The Week. I hear a song somewhere, soundhound that shit, buy it and move it to TOTW and it goes on repeat until I get bored of it and move onto another one. (Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure I apply that same practice to certain situations in life. There may be some deep seated psychological reason behind this, that I should probably look into)

Getting a new song is my little pick me up. I get as happy about a new song as shoe lovers get about a new pair Louboutins. Music is one of my happy places. FYI - Lying on a beach in Hawaii, in between Tom Hardy and Anthony Joshua, whilst drinking prosecco and eating a Waitrose Lemon Yum Yum is another one of my happy places. Music is a great way to shift my mood. An upbeat song can give me a little pep in my step when I need it. A sad song can help bring out some emotions I may be pushing down and not dealing with. A good hip hop or grime song can help me to channel my anger. I have been listening to Jazz playlists on YouTube whilst cooking recently and I love it. It's got me dancing around my kitchen whilst making butter bean spaghetti. I’d actually love to go and see some live Jazz at some point. That's one for the bucket list.

I’ve had a pretty good day today and this new edition to my music collection - Sweet but Psycho (Leon Lour Remix) by Ava Max has just complemented that. So thank you TOWIE. Yes my guilty little pleasure reality TV show is back and this time round these crazy cats are fake tanning and fucking all over Thailand. 

Speaking of reality tv, it's truly saddening to hear about the death of Mike Thalassitis. It has been said that he was suffering with depression and other mental health issues which led to his suicide. Now grantedly, I’ve never met the guy, so before anyone jumps on the whole “You didn’t even know him, why are you sad” bandwagon, it’s not about whether I knew him or not. Its about someone suffering with a condition,  that caused them so much emotional pain that they didn’t see any other way out. And yes there are so many other people in the world, that suffer in silence and feel they cannot reach out for help and more needs to be done about that. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for over 2 decades. And some of the most annoying things you can hear someone say are “Just snap out of it” or “Pull yourself together” Like if it were that easy we wouldn’t. What, you think we are just choosing to be lazy about it or staying in this crippling emotional state for shits and giggles? 

Fair play over the last few years, a brighter light has been shed on mental health issues. But there are still so many people out there to be reached. So many people that need to be reminded that there are people there to help. So many people to be reminded that its okay to tell others your feeling like this and thats its okay to ask for help. To many sufferers are staying silent for so many reasons. I stayed silent for years because I didn’t want to be perceived as weak or be judged. I was lucky enough to get to a point where I told my family and friends and they have built a great support system around me. It doesn’t mean I don’t suffer anymore, it just means I always have people I feel comfortable enough to turn to. Others are not so lucky and that’s heartbreaking. So if you take anything from today’s post, let it be, to be conscience of how you treat people. You never know what they are dealing with on the inside. One of the greatest gifts and in turn greatest curses depression sufferers have is the ability to slap a smile on and hide their pain from the world. So try to be a little more understanding and a little kinder to people. You never know what burdens they may be carrying. Don’t get me wrong, if someone’s just a genuine cunt, fuck em off. I’m not saying we need to let everyone just take the piss, because you don’t know their life story. I’m simply saying check in with friends and family more. Remind them every now and then, that your there for them and that you love them. Some of them might look at you, like you just lit up a crack pipe. But some of them......may have their day changed because of it.

So to anyone reading this post, who may be struggling, please do not suffer in silence. Whether you feel like it right now or not, you are amazing and you deserve to get out of that dark place and stand in the light. 

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn, and don’t let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤

Superhero Sunday

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, I'm finally well enough to leave my house 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 

I'm not saying I haven't enjoyed being at home, rather than being swept away by this mad ass wind, like I'm the film Twister. However, I did run out of my house, like I’d just been released from prison for good behaviour yesterday morning. Got walk the walk done and even extended my route giving me a new distance of 11.7k. I have definitely missed it over the last few weeks. It's great for the exercise aspect, but it also gives me time to think or clear my head and because I am now a Fitbit fanatic, since getting my charge 3 for Christmas, it also helps with me hitting my step goal.

Today has started off on a high (literally, thanks to the sugar intake) as my elevenses was a scoop of birthday cake ice cream and popcorn. No, I was not emotionally eating, because we still have no idea what's going on with Brexit. I went to see Captain Marvel 😁 Now, I didn't think I was going to be as into it as the other Marvel films.  Avengers Assemble, Avengers: Infinity War, Captain America: Winter Soldier, Black Panther, Guardians of the Galaxy, Deadpool to name a few -  Yes! I do love marvel films. They're not doing to bad with their TV shows either. Daredevil, Punisher and Inhumans are definitely worthy of a binge weekend. Whereas for me DC are the front runners for TV shows. Arrow, The Flash, Supergirl, Legends. Even Gotham was alright. Film-wise DC are falling behind a bit. Don’t get me wrong Wonder Woman, Justice League and Suicide Squad are all epic films in my opinion. But I feel marvel have given me more “I can't wait for the next film” moments. 

Which brings me back to Captain Marvel. Brie Larson played it effortlessly and may have just added Captain M to my Top 5 Bad Ass Chicks List.  Not only did the film depict her back story well, it amusingly shed light on how Nick Fury lost his eye. It was humorous throughout, while sending an important message of, things may not always be as they seem. Just because we are told something for a long time, it does not necessarily make it true.  I won't say anymore as not to spoil it for anyone who has not seen it. But I will say, go fucking see it. It's one of those films I could have literally walked into another screen and watched again straight away. Obviously I didnt, because I wanted to get home and order some food from Uber Eats. Yes, I know it's a Sunday. No, I'm not cooking today. If anyone feels the need to get stressed out about that fact, please bake yourself a pie and eat it. If its apple drop me off a slice. 

All in all I’ve had a good weekend. I will be channelling all of this good energy into having a great week. Of course there is the possibility that some dick for brains will no doubt try to mess that up, but I'm not going to worry about that right now. I'm going to enjoy the fact that it's still Sunday, sort out my eyebrows as they look like I have never even heard of tweezers and catch up on some of my shows.

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤️

Daddy’s Girl

So my dad posted the below to Facebook today and it just reminded of what an amazing (albeit literally crazy) father I have. 

Don't get me wrong, he’s not crazy because he posted this pic, he’s generally just an absolute loon. However despite him being way to upbeat at 7 in the morning (yes he is one of those irritating morning people who’s all sunshine and rainbows at the crack of dawn, whereas I’m a “talk to me and you will get stabbed in the eye” kind of morning person) I wouldn't change him for the world. We have had our ups and downs but he truly is the best dad I could ever have asked for. We have one of the best daddy-daughter relationships the world will ever see and no I'm not being biased its true, people have said as much. Which is weird because I don't even like him 😂 (you would need to have met us to understand why that's funny)

Now the reason this pic made me laugh, was because this is exactly how he raised my sisters and I. Be the nicest person you can be, but fuck someone up if you need to. Personally I think it's a damn good motto to live by. Be kind to everyone you meet, but remember some people will take kindness for weakness. When they do, a little right hook to their oesophagus is a subtle way to set them straight (again I'm not advocating violence, don't go around punching people because they say or do something you don't like) But you have to be able to stand up for yourself or people will just take the piss. That can take practice for nice people, they see the good in everyone. Which is not a bad trait to have but can leave them open to getting hurt more often than they deserve.  I'm not saying to be a complete asshole (unless you're Deadpool - because lets be honest he does it well)  to avoid the world walking all over you, you have to find a happy medium. Which is where the above motto comes in. 

So today's post is a shout out to my amazingly kooky, would go John Wick on your ass for his kids, understands not sharing cheesecake Daddy. I love you loads. Still don't like you, but definitely love you and am grateful that you found me. Yes, my dad does tell me people that I am his daughter because he found me in a gooseberry bush. Like I said he’s a nut job 😂😘

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤️

Slow Your Ass Down

I'm still sick 🙄 Didnt get chickenpox, measles or mumps as a child, but get taken out by a common cold now. 

Go figure. And yes, I’m aware I would have been better off getting chickenpox as a child, as opposed to getting it as an adult, but I'm an 80’s baby. Back then avoiding your kid scratching the blisters, so that they didn't incur the permanent scars was the biggest concern.

So yes, I'm still stuck at home fighting off this germ infestation. Thankfully I have a job that allows me to work from home and a boss that gives a shit. There are some plus sides to my current role. Despite this cold sending me into ultra brat mode, being sick does make you have to slow down. Which leads me to the question - was it so easy for me to get ill because I'm constantly on the go, not slowing down and taking the time to look after myself?  I don't mean becoming a lazy bastard and never moving from the sofa, but I get so caught up in running around at work making sure to get shit done - so much so that my mind normally doesn't even switch off from work related thoughts. Then I come home and am making sure everything is sorted here and in my personal life. I get so engrossed in making sure I'm getting everything done all of the time, I completely lose sight of the fact that you can't live like that all day every day. You have take time to zone out from it all.  If you just keep going at maximum speed all of the time, your mind becomes chaotic and then you stress yourself out and then before you know it the universe intervenes. Quite frankly I would rather the universe intervened with an all expenses paid holiday to Hawaii, (just putting that out there universe) but there you go.

In the event, that we have to take care of not overdoing it, to a point of destruction, ourselves, we need to remember how important it is to put ourselves first. We can easily be coaxed into making sure other people's needs are met and can completely lose sight of our own. Basically we need to be saying “FUCK EM” more. (I touched on this in an earlier post “Cartoons & Chocolate”) We are in charge of our own happiness and yes being ridiculously selfish is shitty. But being selfish enough to the point where your happiness and well being is not suffering is a necessity. Don't stay in that relationship that causes you pain because you don't want to upset the other person. Don't stay in that job that makes you miserable, because you don't want to put other people out by leaving or are scared of taking a chance on something new or following your dream. We only get one life. There are no do-overs and one of the biggest heart breakers in the world is regret. We should be aiming to live our best life at all times. And yes life circumstances can make, making these changes difficult - kids, bills, living arrangements -  I get that. But if you have to stay, let it be for those reasons and only until  you can come up with a plan on how to leave. Do not let fear of the unknown keep you in that dark place. Realising that we all deserve to live the best lives we can (I say we all, but not paedophiles - in my eyes, they don’t deserve shit - and yes that may be controversial and hypocritical but on this particular subject, I couldn’t give a fuck) takes practise. It takes remembering all of the time, that if you do not make yourself the priority in your life, your not living your life for you, and therefore what is the point in that. 

So as I sit here blowing my nose for what feels like the 100th time, I am reminding myself to stop running myself into the ground for others, that it wears me down to the point of getting ill. I will keep helping obviously,  but not at the expense of my health or happiness. Or my waist line - stress eating is well real. Don't believe me? You should see my snack cupboard. 

As I have finished working for the day, I am going to wrap myself up in my favourite fleece blanket and sprawl out on the sofa and watch Homeland. Yes, I know I'm late, but I had to get through Peaky blinders 😆 Mmmmm Tom Shelby 😍

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow ❤️

Sods Law

I had no idea, when I started writing this blog if I had what it took to get out 2 posts let alone 20. It would appear that I do😁

After publishing that first post, I hoped I had it in me, but as with all things you take a chance on, I had my doubts. I still do, I'm just not letting them stop me. I mean I've made it this far right? I have downloaded Grammarly, so my posts should no longer look like I left school at the age of 4 and l’ve now shared all of my entries on social media. Exciting times.  I should be doing a “Get in Girl” proud dance on my dining room table. But instead I’m wrapped up in bed with a bloody cold. Fuck you germs, you inconsiderate assholes. Instead of going out for a little celebratory dinner or drink, I'm stuck at home with a tub of Haagen daaz watching Disenchantment on Netflix - Don't get it twisted they're both very good pastimes I'm just saying l’d rather be doing them when my face isn't  watering more than the fountains at Trafalgar Square. I know I should be focussing on the positive rather than the negative, but I’m a brat when I’m ill.

So unfortunately this will not be a long post today, mainly because I don’t want to get snot on my iPad. I just want to say despite feeling like patient zero, I’m super happy that I started writing, proud  that I have made a commitment to it, surprised that it’s given me something to work towards but most importantly its given me a healthy emotional outlet so that punching irritating people in the throat is not my go to. Sooooo progress 😆

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don’t let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤️

Biting the Bullet

I have been super busy over the last couple of weeks, and as well as not being able to focus enough time, on getting this lovely little addition of happiness to my life off the ground, I have not taken enough time for myself.

Today I was up at the crack of dawn (literally, even the sun was like ”are you sure”) to do the food shopping with my dear old daddy. I had planned on doing walk the walk upon my return - as I haven't managed to over the past couple of weeks. But I ain't gonna lie, it was cold as fuck this morning and as soon as I stepped back in my house and felt the central heating, walking outside for 2 hours was no longer an option. So I made some kippers and eggs for breakfast, wrapped myself up in my fleece blanket and took relaxation to a new level. That was going well for a couple of hours, but then in true me form, I started cleaning my room.  Sometimes it can be good to have a cleanup or a clear out. It can be very relaxing for the mind. I read an article in closer magazine (it was either that or heat, I only keep the two in my bathroom on a weekly basis, I mean you should always have something to read on the toilet right) A lady said she cleared out 6500 items and she felt great for it. I'm willing to bet that she did. However, If I cleared out that many items I’d  probably be walking around naked with just my phone. I do appreciate not having too much clutter though, it's amazing how much that can stress you out. After getting stuck in, dusting on top of the wardrobe and re-arranging my shoe boxes, I figured I had earned a cuppa and a couple of biscuits 😁

I have spent the rest of the day setting up social media for this blog. Yes, the time has come for me to finally let the world know that I am writing a blog and am actually trying to make it a part of my future. I'm definitely scared of the reactions of people I do know and people I don't. But I cannot stay in my safe bubble forever, its time to take the next step. So I have added to my Instagram, created a Facebook page and have started sharing posts to it, Twitter and Pinterest. Should I be going back to the first and sharing them all? Should I just be sharing from today onwards? Are my blog and social media professional enough to make this work? The answer to all of the above is I don't know. This is definitely a learning on the job kind of situation. I'm just happy that I have been doing this long enough that I  feel confident enough to share it with the world. Happy that I enjoy writing my posts. Happy that it's giving me something else to work towards.

Until I figure out how to link my social media accounts to the sidebar or my blog, please see the info below

FB Page: Shenelle Bowen
Twitter: @babygirlbowen
Instagram: babygirlbowen
Pinterest: Shenelle Bowen

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤️

Getting Back On Track

I haven't been able to give my blog as much as attention as I would like. I can see why people do this full time.

There is a lot of work that goes into building a blog.  Its not just writing some words on a page and pressing go. As well as committing time to writing, you need to commit to learning the other aspects that go into creating a successful blog.  Thankfully for me I didn't think it was going to be a walk in the park, which is great or I may be ready to quit right now.  I'm super overwhelmed trying understand the different lingoes, but I assume this will all make more sense in due time.  So rather than eating an entire packet of snickers miniatures and stressing over SEO's & Widgets (I know what SEO is now, still think a widget could be an animal in the Zoo) , I have reminded myself that A) I'm only a month in B) The weekend is coming and I can spend a lot more time on it . C)The most important one of all  STOP PANICKING - its my blog and the only pace I need to go at is mine.

I have joined a couple of blogging groups on Facebook and have had some good advice and useful tips. I have managed to add one of my posts to my Pinterest board - yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay me. This may seem like a simple task to some. Baby steps are better than no steps. So I have calmed my chaotic ass down in a bid to remind myself that I am meant to be having fun with my blog. The hope is in the next few weeks I will have more of a social media presence, not just to get it out there, but also for the challenge of learning something new- because navigating through this world is like going back to school for me (but this time in a good way)

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anyone shit on your rainbow 💓

Friendship

The great thing about friends are, they can come into your life at anytime.  Some when you least expect it and some when you need them the most.

I met up with my darling Jiggy aka My Stalker and Rooley aka The Ying to my Yang.  I met both of  them at my old work place.  We haven’t managed to meet up this year yet, but I am so glad we made the time tonight. I miss them.  I may not see or speak to them as often as I’d like - we all have our own lives and making time can be difficult.  However, whenever we do get together its like no time has passed.

The minute I saw them it put a smile on my face. They were both my rocks when I worked with them, and seeing them tonight just reinforced how valueable their friendship is to me. I am lucky enough to have this bond with a few of my girls (and some of my boys) 😌 

We went for a lovely dinner at Dishoom Carnaby.  We talked about the good, the bad and the ugly.  I told them about the blog and they were super supportive and encouraging as expected.  I told them about Mr HG, they were proud I finally got back on the proverbial horse. Jiggy even schooled us on Pillow menus. Now some of you may be aware of what a pillow menu is. Rooley and myself found out today.  Now if you re wondering what this is, the answer is as obvious as it sounds. When staying in a nice hotel, there is a menu you can peruse, to choose different types of pillows for a great nights sleep.  Or whatever else you plan on doing in the hotel room. Apparently you can request as many as you like. Kind of like room service, but instead of duck l’orange you get duck feather pillows. Needles to say, Rooley and myself immediately started looking for hotels we could stay at to sample this service.  I only need 1 pillow to sleep with, but given that kind of  choice I’m requesting enough to build a fort. 

Rooley and I did try to discuss the events leading up to the last series of GOT before the new series starts, but as its taken jiggy 10,000 years to only get to season 5 we didnt want to spoil it for her. OMG she doesn’t even know about John Snow yet. Jiggy if you’re reading this - he just buys a farm and starts raising chickens😆

Shockingly I was home by 9:30. Which if you knew what we were like on a usual night out, is a surprise in itself.  I am glad not to have had a late, late one though, not being hungover on a Friday has been a knew tradition for me this year and I’m liking it. 

So thank you ladies for a great night 

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn, and don’t let anyone shit on your rainbow❤