Do you ever have one of those days, where the universe seems to wake and be like, how can I mess with this persons life today?
You know, just sitting there, on their little universe pedestal, doing that evil muahaha laugh? Hands gently clasped together, tapping its finger tips, plotting like Jafar from Aladdin.
That’s how my day started off. I got all the way to my desk at work, when I realised, I had left my second bag in Starbucks. Meaning I had to break into a Usain Bolt type sprint - in platform boots I might add, out of my building and back to my 'chill before work' spot. Thankfully, to my utmost relief, my bag was still sitting there like an abandoned puppy. Once back at work, I was hit with the realisation that my lunch, was still sitting pretty in the fridge...... in my house. Now normally, these kind of events this early in the morning, would have had me marching, straight back out of the door, to grab whatever snack I deemed necessary, to cheer myself up. But today, I decided I was going to try and work through it, with a positive mental attitude.
I wasn't going let my brain convince me, it was a good idea, to get super worked up....especially being that it was only 9:30 am and I still had the whole day to get through. But more importantly, I needed to reiterate to myself, that what had happened so far, was not worth me fretting over. These were not situations that weren't solvable, as my bag was still in Starbucks and I could buy lunch. So I took a couple of deep breaths and continued to get on with my day. I mean with such a mad morning, surely everything had to be all peachy from here right.
Cue major eye roll. Of course, it wasn't plain sailing from there onward. One of my work colleagues, in the other office, majorly pissed me off, to the point where I actually tried using the force to throat punch him from London. When I figured out, I wasn't actually a Jedi, it made me think about why his actions bothered me so much. Partially, was because he was being a bit of a dick about the situation, but mostly, it was because I was dealing with other things going on. I've been ridiculously, overwhelmed over the last week. My mind isn't focused. I have questions that need answers I don't have. I'm feeling fat, from this weekends crap carb loading. Something was making me sad, which was causing me to be more tense and stressed. No it wasn't hormones - I checked the calendar.
I had my 1 year review at work, and got amazing feedback from my account managers. But started crying immediately after. Which obviously made no sense to me, because I hadn't gotten bad news. However, crying led me to call one of my account managers, into a meeting to discuss one of the major things on my mind. My job. Talking to him helped me to gain some perspective, on at least how I was looking at the situation. We had a chat, he gave me his honest opinion, his professional opinion and his "My Pal" opinion. I valued the last one the most. He really is one of the best guys, I have ever met. Don't get me wrong, on a night out he is super stupid, but always has me laughing my ass off. Which inevitably, is how this little chinwag ended. I had a better viewpoint on this particular situation. I was then able, to have a chat with another one of my account managers, and my work partner in crime, which helped me to lighten the load I was carrying. Everything wasn't sitting so heavily on my shoulders and making me feel so weighed down anymore. I ended up going for a couple of drinks with a few colleagues after work (literally 2 proseccos, it is only Tuesday after all) and just having a laugh.
Its so easy to become overwhelmed, with every day life. Easier for some more than others. I like to think that I can just brush my shoulders off when shit hits the fan, but today's reality check reminded me, I still have a some way to go with handling my emotions & my well being. I felt weak, because most of the issues over whelming me, are not the biggest things I have had to face. Yet they had such a big impact. However, all lessons are important no matter the size. I'm not weak because, I couldn't deal with all of the above at once, I'm human. We all have times when we are stronger and better equipped to deal with certain situation/emotions. As well as times when we are weaker and have to try that little bit harder to overcome them. Acknowledging that fact, was today's victory. So I had to shed a few tears to get there - I was wearing water proof mascara. I'm now a little less stressed out about some of the thoughts occupying my head. Result. I'm not as calm and as clear as I would like. I'm still having a 'feeling fat' day. It probably hasn't helped that I have just eaten crisps for dinner. But I can and will take steps rectify that. So there's no need to panic.
Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow 💗
I have a new song in my life 😁 I say have, I didn't write or sing it. I simply purchased it from iTunes.
Yes, I’m aware that you can download or stream from Apple Music, but I like to buy my songs like I like to buy my DVDs. It’s just my thing. I actually bought 7. There is a clear favourite (this is made obvious by the fact that it's been on repeat for the last half hour). I do tend to do this with songs when I first buy them, hence the birth of the playlist Tune of The Week. I hear a song somewhere, soundhound that shit, buy it and move it to TOTW and it goes on repeat until I get bored of it and move onto another one. (Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure I apply that same practice to certain situations in life. There may be some deep seated psychological reason behind this, that I should probably look into)
Getting a new song is my little pick me up. I get as happy about a new song as shoe lovers get about a new pair Louboutins. Music is one of my happy places. FYI - Lying on a beach in Hawaii, in between Tom Hardy and Anthony Joshua, whilst drinking prosecco and eating a Waitrose Lemon Yum Yum is another one of my happy places. Music is a great way to shift my mood. An upbeat song can give me a little pep in my step when I need it. A sad song can help bring out some emotions I may be pushing down and not dealing with. A good hip hop or grime song can help me to channel my anger. I have been listening to Jazz playlists on YouTube whilst cooking recently and I love it. It's got me dancing around my kitchen whilst making butter bean spaghetti. I’d actually love to go and see some live Jazz at some point. That's one for the bucket list.
I’ve had a pretty good day today and this new edition to my music collection - Sweet but Psycho (Leon Lour Remix) by Ava Max has just complemented that. So thank you TOWIE. Yes my guilty little pleasure reality TV show is back and this time round these crazy cats are fake tanning and fucking all over Thailand.
Speaking of reality tv, it's truly saddening to hear about the death of Mike Thalassitis. It has been said that he was suffering with depression and other mental health issues which led to his suicide. Now grantedly, I’ve never met the guy, so before anyone jumps on the whole “You didn’t even know him, why are you sad” bandwagon, it’s not about whether I knew him or not. Its about someone suffering with a condition, that caused them so much emotional pain that they didn’t see any other way out. And yes there are so many other people in the world, that suffer in silence and feel they cannot reach out for help and more needs to be done about that. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for over 2 decades. And some of the most annoying things you can hear someone say are “Just snap out of it” or “Pull yourself together” Like if it were that easy we wouldn’t. What, you think we are just choosing to be lazy about it or staying in this crippling emotional state for shits and giggles?
Fair play over the last few years, a brighter light has been shed on mental health issues. But there are still so many people out there to be reached. So many people that need to be reminded that there are people there to help. So many people to be reminded that its okay to tell others your feeling like this and thats its okay to ask for help. To many sufferers are staying silent for so many reasons. I stayed silent for years because I didn’t want to be perceived as weak or be judged. I was lucky enough to get to a point where I told my family and friends and they have built a great support system around me. It doesn’t mean I don’t suffer anymore, it just means I always have people I feel comfortable enough to turn to. Others are not so lucky and that’s heartbreaking. So if you take anything from today’s post, let it be, to be conscience of how you treat people. You never know what they are dealing with on the inside. One of the greatest gifts and in turn greatest curses depression sufferers have is the ability to slap a smile on and hide their pain from the world. So try to be a little more understanding and a little kinder to people. You never know what burdens they may be carrying. Don’t get me wrong, if someone’s just a genuine cunt, fuck em off. I’m not saying we need to let everyone just take the piss, because you don’t know their life story. I’m simply saying check in with friends and family more. Remind them every now and then, that your there for them and that you love them. Some of them might look at you, like you just lit up a crack pipe. But some of them......may have their day changed because of it.
So to anyone reading this post, who may be struggling, please do not suffer in silence. Whether you feel like it right now or not, you are amazing and you deserve to get out of that dark place and stand in the light.
Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn, and don’t let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤
I have been super busy over the last couple of weeks, and as well as not being able to focus enough time, on getting this lovely little addition of happiness to my life off the ground, I have not taken enough time for myself.
Today I was up at the crack of dawn (literally, even the sun was like ”are you sure”) to do the food shopping with my dear old daddy. I had planned on doing walk the walk upon my return - as I haven't managed to over the past couple of weeks. But I ain't gonna lie, it was cold as fuck this morning and as soon as I stepped back in my house and felt the central heating, walking outside for 2 hours was no longer an option. So I made some kippers and eggs for breakfast, wrapped myself up in my fleece blanket and took relaxation to a new level. That was going well for a couple of hours, but then in true me form, I started cleaning my room. Sometimes it can be good to have a cleanup or a clear out. It can be very relaxing for the mind. I read an article in closer magazine (it was either that or heat, I only keep the two in my bathroom on a weekly basis, I mean you should always have something to read on the toilet right) A lady said she cleared out 6500 items and she felt great for it. I'm willing to bet that she did. However, If I cleared out that many items I’d probably be walking around naked with just my phone. I do appreciate not having too much clutter though, it's amazing how much that can stress you out. After getting stuck in, dusting on top of the wardrobe and re-arranging my shoe boxes, I figured I had earned a cuppa and a couple of biscuits 😁
I have spent the rest of the day setting up social media for this blog. Yes, the time has come for me to finally let the world know that I am writing a blog and am actually trying to make it a part of my future. I'm definitely scared of the reactions of people I do know and people I don't. But I cannot stay in my safe bubble forever, its time to take the next step. So I have added to my Instagram, created a Facebook page and have started sharing posts to it, Twitter and Pinterest. Should I be going back to the first and sharing them all? Should I just be sharing from today onwards? Are my blog and social media professional enough to make this work? The answer to all of the above is I don't know. This is definitely a learning on the job kind of situation. I'm just happy that I have been doing this long enough that I feel confident enough to share it with the world. Happy that I enjoy writing my posts. Happy that it's giving me something else to work towards.
Until I figure out how to link my social media accounts to the sidebar or my blog, please see the info below
FB Page: Shenelle Bowen
Twitter: @babygirlbowen
Instagram: babygirlbowen
Pinterest: Shenelle Bowen
Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤️
