Sadness Survival

Do you ever have one of those days, where the universe seems to wake and be like, how can I mess with this persons life today?

You know, just sitting there, on their little universe pedestal, doing that evil muahaha laugh? Hands gently clasped together, tapping its finger tips, plotting like Jafar from Aladdin. 

That’s how my day started off. I got all the way to my desk at work, when I realised, I had left my second bag in Starbucks. Meaning I had to break into a Usain Bolt type sprint - in platform boots I might add, out of my building and back to my 'chill before work' spot. Thankfully, to my utmost relief, my bag was still sitting there like an abandoned puppy. Once back at work, I was hit with the realisation that my lunch, was still sitting pretty in the fridge...... in my house. Now normally, these kind of events this early in the morning,  would have had me marching, straight back out of the door, to grab whatever snack I deemed necessary,  to cheer myself up. But today, I decided I was going to try and work through it, with a positive mental attitude.

I wasn't going let my brain convince me, it was a good idea, to get super worked up....especially being that it was only 9:30 am and I still had the whole day to get through. But more importantly, I needed to reiterate to myself, that what had happened so far, was not worth me fretting over. These were not situations that weren't solvable, as my bag was still in Starbucks and I could buy lunch. So I took a couple of deep breaths and continued to get on with my day. I mean with such a mad morning,  surely everything had to be all peachy from here right. 

Cue major eye roll. Of course, it wasn't plain sailing from there onward. One of my work colleagues, in the other office, majorly pissed me off, to the point where I actually tried using the force to throat punch him from London. When I figured out, I wasn't  actually a Jedi, it made me think about why his actions bothered me so much. Partially, was because he was being a bit of a dick about the situation, but mostly, it was because I was dealing with other things going on. I've been ridiculously, overwhelmed over the last week. My mind isn't focused.  I have questions that need answers I don't have. I'm feeling fat, from this weekends crap carb loading. Something was making me sad, which was causing me to be more tense and stressed. No it wasn't hormones - I checked the calendar. 

I had my 1 year review at work, and got amazing feedback from my account managers. But started crying immediately after. Which obviously made no sense to me, because I hadn't gotten bad news. However, crying led me to call one of my account managers,  into a meeting to discuss one of the major things on my mind. My job. Talking to him helped me to gain some perspective, on at least how I was looking at the situation. We had a chat, he gave me his honest opinion, his professional opinion and his "My Pal" opinion. I valued the last one the most. He really is one of the best guys, I have ever met.  Don't get me wrong, on a night out he is super stupid, but always has me laughing my ass off. Which inevitably, is how this little chinwag ended. I had a better viewpoint on this particular situation. I was then able, to have a chat with another one of my account managers,  and my work partner in crime, which helped me to lighten the load I was carrying. Everything wasn't sitting so heavily on my shoulders and making me feel so weighed down anymore. I ended up going for a couple of drinks with a few colleagues after work (literally 2 proseccos, it is only Tuesday after all) and just having a laugh. 

Its so easy to become overwhelmed, with every day life. Easier for some more than others. I like to think that I can just brush my shoulders off when shit hits the fan, but today's reality check reminded me, I still have a some way to go with handling my emotions & my well being. I felt weak, because most of the issues over whelming me, are not the biggest things I have had to face. Yet they had such a big impact. However, all lessons are important no matter the size. I'm not weak because, I couldn't deal with all of the above at once, I'm human. We all have times when we are stronger and better equipped to deal with certain situation/emotions. As well as times when we are weaker and have to try that little bit harder to overcome them. Acknowledging that fact, was today's victory. So I had to shed a few tears to get there - I was wearing water proof mascara.  I'm now a little less stressed out about some of the thoughts occupying my head. Result. I'm not as calm and as clear as I would like. I'm still having a 'feeling fat' day. It probably hasn't helped that I have just eaten crisps for dinner. But I can and will take steps rectify that. So there's no need to panic. 

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow 💗