Letting Go

Elsa had the right idea when she belted out “Let it Go”

She used the platform, of one of the best Disney films ever made to send a powerful message with a catchy tune attached. (Others include ‘Hakuna Matata’ - The Lion King and ‘Friend Like Me’ - Aladdin. She basically declared that she’d lived her whole life, not being herself and she was done with that. She’d spent over a decade, locked away in her room, not living any kind of life, let alone her best one. Understandably, there was the fear that she would hurt her sister again, but that fear caused her parents to force her into a sheltered existence. Had her parents taught her how to live with her powers, rather than shut her away from the world, she would have been better equipped to handle them as an adult. Now, obviously in hindsight they did what they thought was best, as we all do. However, sometimes hiding from what we perceive to be the worst parts of ourselves, rather than face them, can have catastrophic consequences.

Nevertheless, when the time came, it didn't take her long to say ’Fuck it’. Fear drove her up that mountain, but by the time she was at the top, she got her groove back faster than Stella did in Jamaica. She threw on a new dress, whipped her hair back and forth, built her dream house and threw back some confidence pills like they were nurofen. All because she decided to let go of fear and worry.

Obviously, before her sister turned up (with yet another man) and the baddies tried to kill her, she was happy. “Let it Go” is a paramount message that most of us don’t even hear, let alone listen to. We hold onto so much, causing us to be weighed down.

They say “Worrying about tomorrow, only ruins the joy of  today”

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been worried about certain elements of my life.

Work - Do I stay or do I go? How will we cope with the current staffing situation? Will the window cleaners ever clean the windows in our new office? (This one is less of a worry and more me putting it out into the universe so it gets done) I’ve been going back and forth on how to proceed regarding a company that has approached me vs the company I currently work for. What has become clearer to me, is I’ve actually been more concerned with how the new company will react if I turn them down. Or how the current company will react if I leave. You’ll notice that none of those 2 concerns are about me. My mind, has been playing mental table tennis. The result being my calm has been replaced with chaos. This brought to my attention the need, to reverse that. What lessons was I being shown from this situation and how would I use them to get through it?

A) Better emotional control

B) Prioritising my feelings

As of this evening, I couldn't give two fucks about how the new or current company feel about any decision I decide to make. Now this could be down to, seeing Arya being a badass in GoT this morning, or because I have been repeating the affirmation “Prioritise Myself” since last night. It’s probably a bit of both. I’m now less concerned, with how, whatever decision I chose to make affects them. Being more selfish is something I’m advocating for. Especially if it’s for the best of me.

On the other hand, there are cases of being too selfish. I’m not going to go into details, as it’s a work situation I'm referring to. But, being super selfish towards your team, simply because you want to spite one colleague is a dick move. I don’t wish this person any ill will. But please know, if you make a dick move karma, will dust off her binoculars to find you. She misses no one. However, knowing that kind of negative energy, will soon no longer be around me, is a blessing. 

Friendships/Relationships - worrying about one sided situations. I have some great friends. Most of whom, I don't speak to everyday or even see weekly and our friendships are continuously growing. You don't have to be tied at the hip for a relationship to survive. If both sides are willing to put in an effort, then it will work. But if neither party are contributing, how long are things expected to last? I have a current friendship, that has lasted almost 20 years now. I don't want to see it die out especially as I've invested so much time into it. Its left me stressed thinking about how things have  become distant. Worrying about what to do to fix it. Should I be the one to make the first move and reach out? Sometimes, you have to be the one to extend the olive branch, which is fine if you're both willing to do that. I figured I'd call when I got back from Switzerland. Then whilst away something occurred to me.....

                What would I even say? Things feels so distant and awkward now

Then something more important occurred to me
                       
                      Why should I be the one that reaches out ......again?

There are 2 sides to this friendship, I feel I'm always the majority effort maker, which is fine, that was my choice. On the other hand, why should I still be doing that? Why should I be the one to make the effort .....again. As soon as those questions popped into my head, the answer followed suit.........."You shouldn't"

Fighting for a friendship/relationship is admirable, but you shouldn't be the only one fighting. I don't want to lose my friend, but I also don't want a one-sided friendship. I'm not even 100%  this friendship is meant to survive anymore. So as sad as it may be, I'm beginning to let go. I'm letting go of worrying about whether our friendship will be maintained. I'm letting go of stressing over losing a friendship, where the other person doesn't seem bothered. The motivational podcasts I listen to advise things such as "Just because you've been friends, doesn't mean you're meant to stay friends" and If it doesn't serve you, let it go" I will leave this one in gods hands.

We can only carry a certain amount before we fall (unless its 3 bottles of prosecco and a box of 12 krispy kreme donuts - then I become wonder woman). We have to teach ourselves the difference between, what we need to hold onto, what we need to work through so we can put it down and what we need to never have picked up.

I've added an exercise for the above to my goals for this week

So my goals for this week are....

1. 3 Workouts - I happily indulged in Geneva. Time to sort that out. Back to Joe Wick's for some HIIT workouts.
2. 10K steps at least 5 days - I'm not wearing this Fitbit for fashion purposes. Although with my pink straps, I could
3. Morning Affirmations - I must put the work in if I'm going to love myself as much as others do
4.  Stress Relief - It would be great if this was about sex., but I'm still not dating yet sooooooo. Acknowledging a situation that stresses me and finding a productive way to work through it or let it go.
5. Blog Post (Other than this one) - Even if its just to promote a bit of self-love and positivity

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow💗

The Nellington Adventures - Geneva - Sisters on Tour

 I love travelling with my sister. She is definitely one of my favourite travel buddies.

Like me, she loves a nice hotel. She gets lounge access pretty much everywhere. But most importantly, she totally gets us not sharing a room whilst on holiday - which we are starting to realise not everybody understands. We enjoy going away together, but we appreciate and quite frankly need our own space. Most people we tell this to, think its crazy - but it works for us. 

I'm currently writing this post, from the beautiful Switzerland. This will be the first installment (of hopefully many) of what I'll be calling the 💕Nellington Adventures💕. This will consist of  a collection of posts, about places I travel to or stay at,  abroad and in the UK for any duration of time.

Chapter 1 - Geneva - Sisters on Tour 

I was lucky enough to start Thursday with  a lie in, before strolling down to my local favourite cafe, forks and green. www.forksandgreen.co.uk - Seriously... check it out if you get a chance. I love their scrambled eggs on sourdough toast. Their Tropical Crush smoothie is a weekly buy for me in the summer . Once my sister had arrived at my house (having landed from the US) we left for the airport. No, our flight wasn't leaving until the next day. Yes, We like to stay in airport hotels if we can. We cruised in on the Gatwick Express and checked into the Hilton London Gatwick (south terminal)- Amazing hotel. Staff were lovely. Room was lovely. Once chilling out in the executive lounge - my holiday had officially begun. We had dinner in the hotels buffet restaurant, and ate so much I was thankful I wasn't going on a bikini holiday.  A bottle of Prosecco and 4 courses at the buffet later and  I was ready for bed.

I'm not a fan of my alarm clock, but when it went off at 4:30am, I felt the same excitement I feel on  Christmas morning (Yes, even at my age I still get excited on the morning of the 25th December, like a kid that still believes milk an cookies for Santa, whilst he does a little breaking and entering the night before) We grabbed our bags, grabbed breakfast and jumped on the shuttle to the North Terminal. Do I think Easyjet need to have a chat with Gatwick about them flying in & out of both terminals? Definitely.

We decided to give premium security a try. Absolutely worth it, for getting through without having to join a massive queue, or if you're running late. And at the a cost of only a fiver, it won't put a massive dent in your cocktail budget. Of course, our gate had to be the furthest one away, but I'm always trying to get those steps in, to hit my daily Fitbit goal, so its all good. The flight was 20 mins delayed and even though we had speedy boarding we ended up on the plane last. Not gonna lie, irritation crept in from that - which seemed like a good opportunity to work on that deep breathing to find calm. It worked. I was falling asleep before take off, but we'd landed in the most beautiful country I've ever see, in what felt like 10 mins. My sister also got us passport control in Geneva. This is pricier and unless you're making big bucks I wouldn't suggest doing it on every trip. But for the experience of being picked up as soon as you walk down the steps of the plane, by your own escort, being chauffeured over to a separate passport office (One I've been advised diplomats use), getting a stamp in my passport, - even though I'm travelling within Europe (I did have to request this) and being walked out of arrivals to the hotel shuttle bus in under 10 mins, it was worth it.

We arrived at the Starling Hotel Geneva in about 7 minutes.

I seriously didn't realise how close it was to the airport. I'm a creature of habit, so I tend to stay in hotels I've used before. But I figured I'd throw caution to the wind. We were visiting a country we'd never been to, so why not stay in a hotel we'd never used. As soon as I stepped out of the shuttle bus, all trepidation had subsided. The hotel is beautiful. The staff have been amazing. Super helpful, friendly and accommodating. Our rooms are smaller than I thought they would be, but it didn't even matter, because they're lovely. With 2 restaurants and 3 bars, I'm clearly hitting my workouts hard when I get back.

We arrived at midday and even though check-in is at 2pm, our rooms were ready. So we dropped off our stuff and came down to the outside restaurant L'olivo for a snack. We only wanted something small, and everything on the menu seemed quite big, so we went for the sensible option. Desserts. I had a strawberry tart (which when it arrived was accompanied with strawberry sorbet) and My sister had a pistachio creme brulee. Both were divine, but she did have a little dessert envy over mine. The sun has been shining its little ass off since we arrived, so were lucky enough to be able chill outside with our desserts and cappuccino's for a while.

As it had been a long day already so far (and quite frankly we couldn't be asked),  we made the executive decision to uber into town, rather than try and figure out the public transport system. As part of your stay, the hotel offer a free travel card, to use on buses, trams and trains for your entire stay. Below are places we checked out over good Friday and Saturday. They're definitely worth visiting, if you're ever in Switzerland.

1) St Pierre Cathedral (Chapel of the Maccabees) - I haven't visited a lot of  cathedrals or churches in my time, but this one is a beauty.

2) Old Town - A mixture of old style architecture with some modern elements thrown in.

3) Jet D'Eau - A water fountain that looks like it literally touches the cloud. Its beautiful from far away and so surreal up close. 

4) Lake Geneva - Its in the name..lol. It has some beautiful statues on the walk around it and you can hire a boat to get across it.

5) Palais des Nations - I figured I could sort out Brexit whilst here, but I was clearly in the wrong place. It was nice to see though and you can do a take a free tour of the building.

6) Broken Chair - A humongous chair, with a broken leg. Now this may not sound spectacular, but its one of the biggest chairs I've ever seen that you cannot sit on.

7)Le Perron (Fondue) - A cute little restaurant, located near the St Pierre cathedral, where we stopped for some Fondue. They Offer 3 cheese, cheese with mushroom and cheese with champagne.

8)Maison Tavel - A museum dedicated to the reformation of Geneva. Obviously they had a lot of historic content. Lots of doors, a cellar you can climb into and a barrel that could hold enough booze for an Ibiza weekender.

9)Sweetzerland Chocolats - A little boutique chocolate shop where my sister and I spent more money on chocolate then the average person would. Sorry, not sorry.

10) The Starling Hotel - A beautifully modern hotel located less than 10 minutes from the airport. Its about 25 minutes from the town centre on public transport, buts it where I will probably stay, WHEN I come back to Geneva. 

As I'm making more of an effort to try new things wherever possible - and being in a new country I figured there was no better time than the present to give my tongue a treat. All of you with Dirty Minds or Sexy Imaginations.....calm down. The treat was food. 
Below are 5 new foods I sampled in Geneva

Croissant au Jambon - A mini croissant with a big lump of ham in it. Not gammon or sandwich ham, it was more the consistency of a sausage roll. If I ever lived anywhere where these were as easily available as here, I'd quickly have to make peace with working out 3 times a day.

Veal sausages - I've never tried veal before, so I thought I'd give the pork a break and give these a go instead. They were being served as part of the breakfast buffet at our hotel and I've had them every morning whilst here. 

Gruyere Cheese - 3 words..... Very Smelly Cheese! I wasn't a fan. Even when coupled with a beautiful brioche bread. I'm not sure if this was because, I'm a mainly mild cheddar cheese person or if the smell put me off, but I can't say I'll be picking up a block of Gruyere on my next Tesco run. But I'm glad I tried it. Thankfully my daily hit of  brioche bread wasn't alone on the plate. I paired it with the Brie and Turkey Ham on offer.

Fondue - So despite what I said about my mild cheddar cheese choice, I tried a 3 cheese fondue at the lovely Le Perron. It was a lot for 2 people but the experience itself was worthwhile. Using super skinny forks, to dip bread into an oozing pot of cheese, whilst sipping prosecco & sparkling water, sitting in the sun, on the outskirts of old town was not the worst way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

Calypso Sauce - This came with a Prawn and Crab salad I ordered from room service and I almost licked the bowl that it came in. The salad consisted of lettuce, cucumber, tomatoes (They got picked out, I am not team tomato), radishes, red onion, pomegranate, some pink wispy salad thing (should probably find out the actual name of that), Prawns, crab and passion fruit. Now, my brain has never really gotten around the idea of fruit in a salad, unless its fruit salad, but I was pleasantly surprised with how much I liked how these ingredients worked together.

Between the places visited, the food, the hotel, the beautiful country and the (mostly) friendly people, my trip to Geneva has earned itself the favourite holiday destination award. If the above isn't enough intrigue you into visiting, the view of all of the beautiful mountains you absolutely have to see in person should help you at least consider a visit. A couple of things to bare in mind if you do....

1) Buses - Just because your uber drove you to a location one way, its doesn't mean the bus taking you back, is necessarily going to be travelling the opposite direction..lol. My sister and I found that out, when we boarded the bus back to the hotel on the opposite side of the street, to where we jumped out of the uber, only to end up at the end of the line without ever passing our hotel. Thankfully, a very kind lady saw the confusion on our faces and between her and the bus driver, helped us to establish where we'd gone wrong and what we could do to rectify it. The buses run super on time and there doesn't seem to be a lot of traffic anywhere, the complete opposite to London. We didn't get a chance to ride a train or tram, which is a shame.

2) Cleanliness - Geneva is possibly the cleanest city I've ever seen in my life. No rubbish on the floor, very few cigarette butts (they have a lot of designated smoking bins). The toilets are immaculate, even in all of the public places we visited. They're all self cleaning.

3) Crossings - Be sure to be cautious with this one. Even when the green crossing man appeared,  traffic could still flow. My sister almost got clipped by a tram. Also, a couple of the places where you might be walking have mini roads where cars can drive through, so just be wary of that.

I know people are normally sad to be going home from their holidays, but I am genuinely gutted to not have spent more time in this beautiful country. Thankfully the knowledge of a new episode of GoT by the time I land tomorrow, is keeping the tears at bay. I could easily see me coming back to chill for a long weekend sooner rather than later and if Theresa doesn't sort out brexit, I'd be more than happy to move here. This trip has been an eye opener to a different way of living and one of the best experiences of 2019 so, Thank you Geneva.

I'll be adding the entire album to Pinterest and my Facebook page shortly so keep and eye out😊

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow 💕

Happiness or Happy Less

 I started this blog to document my pursuit of happiness.

To show my journey from simply existing, to living my best life. I'm 2 months in and thankfully, my lack of patience hasn't deluded me into thinking, I'd have all of the answers by now. In fact, despite not feeling my absolute best self at the moment, there has definitely been some valuable lessons learnt over the past 10 weeks.

1) Self Love - I never truly understood how much I actually should love myself. I mean if we were talking about masturbation, I love myself a hell of a lot on a regular basis. But actually loving me....I didn't realise how necessary it is. Loving myself enough to say No, more often. Loving myself enough to figure out and do what makes me happy. Loving myself enough to live my best life. I have my flaws like anybody else, but all in all I'm a pretty fucking amazing person - Negative thought patterns, that have been embedded over the past couple of decades, have caused me to catch a little amnesia about that fact. This has lead to bad decisions, putting up with shit in past relationships and not looking out for my best interest at all times. In short, I haven't had my own back, enough. Thankfully, I'm now aware of this and having that awareness has set me on the right path to reversing it. There are a couple of key areas I need to embrace as part of this journey. Starting with acceptance & effort.

Acceptance - Body Image, Anxiety & depression. Effort - Confidence. 

I've been in a battle over my looks, since as far back as I can remember. I’ve got a great set of legs and beautiful face, but have always wanted a flatter tummy and bigger boobs. Rather than celebrate the things I do like about myself, I've spent years concentrating on the things I don't. We all have areas that we find fault with, but there's a difference between finding fault with and stopping yourself from loving all of yourself. I have let perfection, distract me from what's important.  Yes, I want bigger boobs and a flatter tummy! But I've got legs for days and smile, that even I sometimes stare at. So it's time for me to shift my focus, to my sexy ass self as a whole, rather than only fixating on areas I want improved. To be fair a padded bra and some sit ups, wouldn't hurt the situation. 

My anxiety and depression are a definite inconvenience - I'm not even going to lie, they strike at the least favorable times. I used to think it only happened when I was feeling down. Then that shit started dropping even when I was happy. Piss take!! But, the mind fuck twins are also the reason behind a lot of my fight. They've made me into a warrior at times when I wasn't ready for war. They have thrown me into the deep and said "Sink or Swim?" Yes, at times, they give me a dose of  "I'm sad and I don't know why" like some narcissistic doctor, but that has also enabled me to be more understanding and compassionate to others who suffer.

My confidence have taken a knock. I know people that know me may say "Well she always smiling" or "She's very outgoing, so how could she possibly not be confident" To that I'd say, I have 50% of the confidence I need and I project the rest. Fake it, till you make it. Being single for 6 years, has slowly created little dents in my confidence. Calm down feminists, I'm well aware that confidence has to come from within! But not being in a relationship for so long, has played it's part in the decline of my confidence. It's made me question, is it me? Am I the reason I've been on my own for so long? Am I not lovable? I do believe that the right person is out there. However, it doesn't stop the little snippets of doubt that sometimes pop up. The catch 22 is, you have to be confident in yourself, before you can add anyone else into the picture. The great news is, at least I'm halfway there.

2)Blogging is the Best - I absolutely love it 💖 There is soooooooo much I still need to learn and I still get a little panic button go off in my head, when I hear widget or plugins or SEO, but it's the best decision I've ever made for my life.  I love the purpose it's given me. I love the commitment I've made to it. I love engaging with the blogging community. I love that I have an outlet that involves writing. I love that it's introduced me to, looking into writing more than my blog. I love that its got me considering the ways I can help the Mental Health Community. But most importantly, I love that I jumped out of my comfort zone and did it. I created something and despite all fears put it out into the world. I’ve had a great response, which smile that's causing my jaw to ache. Even though I’m still in the beginner category, regarding followers of my blog & social media, I still feel so blessed with the support and response I've had so far. Some of my posts, have had 150 views and that makes me so proud. I have written something that people have read and even give positive comments on.

3) Goals - I’ve been setting goals of all sizes. Big ones for the future, little weekly ones. I've been setting goals as a way of, giving myself something to work towards and focus on. I make sure they're written down on my white board, or in my notebook that I carry with me, as a constant reminder, to get shit done. Start with small ones - like wake up 10 mins earlier every day. Creating goals, is helping me to hold myself accountable, whilst also teaching me to A) be grateful for achieving the smaller things as well as the big, B) To not be so hard on myself.  I've been smashing the goals I've set at an 80% success rate. Yes 100% would be amazing. But I need NOT beat myself up for that 20% . I tend to be quite hard on myself, for having even the smallest slips, so this is a good way to remind me, that I don't need to be a drill sergeant 100% of the time. My goals are set to help me up my game, not to make me feel like a failure about not being perfect all of the time.

4) Time - On one hand we say ”Slow down, take your time” and then on the other hand we say "Time waits for no man, you better get move on” Confused.com should use that as there slogan. At my age, the only thing I risk running out of time for, is babies. And yes, it would be sad if the clock struck me out on this one. But everything else I have time for.  I know we never know, when our last breath will be taken and we should be living life, like each day Is our last. But I don't think that means simply rushing through. We should be enjoying everything we can from it. Don't just work to pay bills. Don't just workout to only ever eat salad. There has to be some kind of enjoyment in life. Learn to enjoy spending time on your own. But don't forget to spend time with loved ones. Be focused, ambitious and driven, but don't get tunnel vision and forget to actually live the life your working so hard to create. Unless any of you know Marty Mcfly and Doc brown, you haven't got access to a delorean to go back and make up for lost time. So try and make the most of it now.

5) It's okay not to be okay - Cue Jessie J. I spend more time worrying about how to make sure I'm okay, so that I'm not a burden to anyone or to make sure I can be at work and do my job. When really I should be saying my two favourite words "Fuck it" I'm gonna have bad days, everybody is. I shouldn't be spending time arguing with myself about how to  push through them as quickly as possible, to suit the rest of the world. As long as I'm not going around punching people in the jaw, fuck how they feel about me having a bad day. Me spending time worrying about others people reactions, isn't helping me. If anything its making me worse. Feeling guilty for not being on top form, is crazy and yet so many of us do it. Because being selfish is second nature to many.

Knowing what I now know, about myself is a priceless gift. (Obviously, I'm still going to actually buy myself something because I like gifts) Having learnt the above, makes starting this journey all the more worthwhile. Baby steps will need to be taken, for the enormous leaps I plan on taking. If you've been following my blog from day 1 (which most of you won't because I was too scared to tell everyone until like day 20) or can count, you will know that this is my 30th post. For me that is my first major  milestone and proud doesn't even feel like a big enough word to describe how I feel about it. I may not be living my best life yet, but I've just written my 30th post, so you can be damn sure I'm on my way. 

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow💗

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

There are many choices to be made in life. 

Big ones, small ones. Important ones, trivial ones. Life changing ones and insignificant ones.

Some are easier to make than others. Red or purple lipstick? Skirt or trousers? Krispy Kreme donut or Waitrose lemon yum yum? - this one has caused me some high levels of conflict at times, so I normally just end up buying both. Some are a little more challenging. Do I move to another country or stay put? Is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? Should I start my own business?

For some, decision making is a simple task. Look at the options and choose the one you want. Of course, this doesn't necessarily apply to all situations. There will always be scenarios, where the option you want, may not be the best thing for you, In which case, you'll have to dedicate more time to deliberation. I've been known, to take longer to make decisions than most - I tend to overthink things, which I'm now aware is a massive contributor to the anxiety and depression I've been known to suffer with. Having a million and one thoughts, going on at the same time, makes for a chaotic mind and a chaotic mind, struggles to focus. Now add trying to make a decision (of any size) into the mix and you have a brain of bedlam. The smallest choice can feel like it adds the weight of the world onto your shoulders. 

Now, I'm not saying that its impossible, to make a decision when my mind is all over the place. Just like I'm not saying that its easy to decide when my focus is on point. I'm simply addressing the struggle that can occur with decision making. Take my current dilemma for instance. I've been in my current job for a year now and I'm feeling like my unhappy levels are higher than my blood alcohol levels on a good night out. In spite of it not being the worst job I've ever had, there are quite a few situations, that occur almost daily, that make me question, if I'm wasting my time and adding more of a negative strain to my life than I need to be. There is also a sense of boredom that's been slowly creeping its way in for a while now. So, the ideal solution would be to leave. Problem solved right? Wrong? As soon as that solution popped into my head, the following questions came tumbling in.....

• Do I definitely want to leave this company? - I've only been here a year
• Is this an emotional decision or a logical one?
• Is going to another IT company going to make me any happier?

Then came

• Turning up everyday, to deal with this role and all it entails makes me unhappy. It has done for some time now. How much longer can I continue?
• I don't feel that I gain anything from this role, apart from working with some great people and a steady wage. 
• I'm concerned that the changes, management have promised to deliver will not materialize. 

I knew debating these pro's and con's would keep my mind involved in a mental game of tennis. What I didn't foresee, was the next Q and A session my mind engaged in

• Do I enjoy working in IT anymore?
• Now that I have started my blog and am loving writing, what would be the point of going for another IT role?
• Would staying with my current company, doing a job I already know, whilst trying to build up my blog - be the most sensible option?
• I'm unhappy were I currently work, so wouldn't it be wiser to go somewhere else? I can get so bogged down from negative emotions, that come from my current role, that I can struggle to keep motivated with the other aspects in my life.

Throughout my working life, I've steered towards jobs, that I could easily learn to do, just so that I had a steady pay check. They were not always jobs I was massively interested in, although, I did enjoy some of them and have gained some great friendships from them. None of them were jobs that were a least, a step in the right direction, of what I wanted to do. I had to learn to look after myself  from an early age. Ensuring I was making my own money, so that I didn't have to depend on anyone was my main priority. So, it didn't leave a great deal of room for finding my "dream job or career". I never even really took the time to consider what that may actually be. However, since, starting my blog, it has given me something I love doing (so much so, I drafted this post at work...shhhh). I would love to be able to blog or write as a career, but until I've gained some more experience, built up my blog and become more established, I still have bills to pay, places to travel to and books to buy. So I need to hold down a 9-5.

It's funny because, I started battling with all of the above questions a couple of weeks ago, racking my brain for all of the answers straight away - and they weren't coming. It would appear that the universe, wanted me to understand the gift of time. Time to mull over all of the questions that kept popping up. Time to think through the options and my thoughts on them. Time to consider the pro's and cons and slowly piece together my answer. 

Being a writer is the life I am going to end up in! I would normally say "want to end up in" but I'm putting it out into the universe, that because this is what I want, its what i'm going to have. Whether I manage 2 mins or 200 mins, I will do something daily, to get me to that goal. I don't just want to see my dreams when i'm sleeping. I know that it will not happen overnight. I also know that as long as I keep working at it, it will happen. But in the meantime, I need to figure out my day to day.

A company has contacted me about a role that has become available with them. I'm not going to say too much about that at this point, as I don't want to jinx it. However, after considering all of the above notions, I feel the best step I could take, is to meet with them to gain a better understanding of the requirements. I need to know if its something that I'm interested in. Only then will I be able to make the crucial decision....Should I stay or should I go?

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow 💖