Connect With The Life You Want

My pursuit of happiness is not just about trying new recipes and keeping fit. I am looking at all aspects of my life to see where I can make changes for the better.

I have been listening to a couple of different podcasts recently, to help with gaining clarity, positivity and re-training my beliefs in myself to undo negative thinking. My CEO life by Ashley Rae is now apart of my morning routine and I’m loving it.  I have a few more that I have added to my library that I want to check out. Happier with Gretchen Rubin, The Chalene Show & The Tony Robbins Show. I have found listening to these podcasts in times of uncertainty, doubt fear and even when happy and just want to hear positive vibes very valuable. They have become a productive tool at giving me guidance and assistance in the form of positive affirmations, setting goals, making plans for my future and helping me towards figuring out, what I want to do with my life and where I want it to go. I don’t have all the answers yet, obviously, but little by little pieces are falling into place. 

I have also come across some YouTube videos from Marissa Peer, that I have found useful and will be adding them to my archive of helpful tools. I think she might be the chick my BFF Rooley told me about.  Its crazy that we are taught, that its crazy to rely so heavily, on the changing of mindsets to effectively change our lives. I’m not saying that in the 3 weeks I have been working with these methods, my life is suddenly all great and I’m a changed person doing amazingly different. But I will say, I have felt a slight shift, even just with keeping up with this writing this blog for my now 16th entry. I’m still get exited about writing it and now its got me thinking about whether I could actually write other stuff. I didnt have that want a month ago. So I’m grateful for that small change. These methods have given me positive reinforcements to dream past what was only a thought 20 days ago.  They remind me to face my fears when contemplating descisions that scare me.  They prompt me to remember that even when I’m not feeling like it, I’m still a bad ass.  Sometimes all we need,  is to remember that we are gangsta like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill. 

I have also started practising meditation.  God knows I need to bring a shit load of calm to my life. I can be a tad eccentric at times 😆  I need to work on focussing & slowing down my mind.  There’s a lot going on in that dome located at the top of me.  Meditation is to my mind what HIIT workouts are to my body.  Both will need an effort from me and regular practice if they are going to work.

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don’t let anybody shit on your rainbow ❤

Falling Off The Wagon

So as the title would suggest, on Friday night I took a little tumble off, of the “being a good girl” wagon.

I went out with some work colleagues, for a couple of drinks. That turned into a couple more drinks and well you can see where I am going with this. In fact a couple of my colleagues, who have been keeping themselves teetotal also fell off the wagon. It was kind of like a team building activity.  So there I was getting spontaneously reacquainted with Prosecco.  Spontaneous nights out can either end up the best or the worst. As it happens this one ended up, pretty damn good.

Whilst I was in my second bar of the night The Forge, after watching one of  my colleagues take an epic fall down the stairs (yes, he is okay and yes we almost died laughing) I came across a friend  - for the sake of this blog we will call him by the nickname I have given him - The Heartbreak Gentleman. We ended up talking for ages, then went off to the casino for some drinks, where he managed to drink more of my pornstar martini than I did. Don’t worry, it didnt put a dent in his masculinity. The talking led to more drinking, the drinking led to more bantering and the bantering went on until 4am. To which we decided to make an adult decision and call it a night. 

Now came the question of,  do we each go to our respective homes or do we both go to one or the others home? If you have been reading this blog from the beginning, you will know how long it has been since I last had sex, so if you spent more than 15 seconds guessing what I did next, you have definitely not been reading this. We ended up back at his at around 5am and I got home at 5pm Saturday evening. Now I’m not giving you all of the details - all you need to know is, I’ve got aches in places I didnt know could ache, I’m willing to bet I have lost a couple of pounds, and apart from the fact that it took me 20 minutes to walk to a shop 7 minutes away this morning, my smile is large and my satisfaction levels are through the roof.  So thanking you Mr HG😚

Now, especially as I am embarking on my pursuit of happiness, this unscheduled rendezvous with no potential to go past an amazing night (I mean there could be another night on the cards, we will just have to see what the universe has in store) would normally have made me feel quite bad about what I had done. I would have felt guilty about falling off the wagon and ending up somewhere other than my house for the night. However, I’m learning there is no straight path to happiness. There is apparently going to be some unexpected bumps in the road and thats okay. Am I saying I will be going out drinking and having naughty nights with friends all the time....thats a strong NO. But the truth is how Friday ended up made me happy. I had a good time with someone I enjoyed being around and there is no reason for me to beat myself up over it. In fact, I should actually be celebrating the fact that even though I didn’t plan for it,  I took another step for the better me movement. I learnt not too be so hard on myself and that things rarely look the way we expect them too. 

As you can imagine, I did not get around to doing  Walk the Walk this weekend, so I will be back on that next weekend. I’m going to chill out for the rest of tonight, enjoy my week and get back to this pursuit of mine. I really hope my legs sort themselves out for tomorrow’s workout 😅

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don’t let anyone shit on your rainbow❤

Dating Detail

So today a guy added me on Instagram.  I don’t know him, but we have a couple of mutual friends so I thought I would check out his page to see who he was.

He is listed as a dating coach - advice for guys and ladies, so I decided to watch some of his videos. God knows I could use the help.😁 So I started watching his videos from the top of the page (the most recent) and I was hooked watching one after the other.  Now you may be led to believe that this was due to his abundance of insightful wisdom, but you would be wrong.  It was because I was so shocked at the impression of dating he was giving off. His opinion suggested that guys (more so than girls) need not bother putting in any effort. That it wasn’t necessary taking ladies out to dinner for a first date as you didnt know if they were going to stick around anyway.  He encouraged the thought pattern that this is real life and not the movies, which put forth a view that  romance and chivalry are a waste of time. Grantedly its not all heart emoji’s, rainbows and fairytale endings, but I refuse to believe there cant be any element of happily ever after in there somewhere. Of course real life relationships have there ups and down - shit takes work. But that shouldn’t defy the love story. It shouldn’t stop us texting just to say “thinking of you” or doing something nice for someone you know they will appreciate. Effort is one of the most necessary contributions to any relationship. It doesn’t have to be spending massive amounts of money or professing your love all over social media.  As long as your effort lets the other person know you are making that effort for them. 

Now for someone like myself who will be hopefully be dating again before we get flying cars - hearing these views from this guy, sent me through a world of emotions. Shock. Anger. Disappointment. Shocked that someone appears to be telling guys, not to place a high value on women. Angry - at the lack of respect for dating women. Disappointed that he was putting out a message that romance wasn’t necessary. Yes, romance is necessary! From both sides. It shouldnt all fall to men. Women need to do there part too. It cant just be down to the guy to put on this big show of impression for girls. We need to impress them too. Ladies you dont deserve  a 50/50 relationship if you aren’t pitching in your half. 

Now, he made a good point, in regards to continuously taking a girl out if things aren’t going anywhere, or if she appears to be in it, just to get taken out to dinner and for the free food. I believe no matter what you do for a first date, a guy should pay. Its gentlemanly. But I don’t think its fair for either party to assume a guy should pay for everything all the time. Even if a guy wants to pay for everything you do together, a girl should make a point of paying for them both at least some of the time. Its only fair and shows an investment to the relationship from both sides. Bearing in mind, there are situations that acceptions can be made. For example you may have kids and the woman may have to stay at home and no longer work whilst the man financially provides, so technically he will be  paying for everything, but you are raising kids and running a home. To be clear,  this acception  works both ways. Women making that paper whilst men make that pot roast.

So after watching 5 or 6 of this guys videos,  I couldn’t understand why he felt he was someone that should be giving dating advice - especially advice that I felt was tailored for guys to basically help them bang, with minimal effort. Needless, to say I didnt think there was any need for me to accept this follow request.

However, I carried on watching  his videos and as much as I do not agree with some of the of the things he says, I can definitely appreciate some of the guidance he has given. He talked about Validation. Girls or guys -  letting someone know that you are 100% into them to early on. If you are always available to someone, there is no chase and the other person (9 times out of 10) will begin to lose interest. He made a point by saying hold back and don’t be the one that’s always chasing the other person all the time. Let them do some of the work.  Now this sounds obvious - but you would be surprised how many girls and guys (I have been guilty of it myself in the past) have become smitten so fast you forget that life existed before this person. You aim all of your attention into this person trying to draw them in when in actuality you’re pushing them away. Neediness is as unattractive to girls as it is to guys.

He gave some good insight into reasons why guys may be online dating. Also about how the types of photos we upload compared to how we look in real life , can be classed as false advertising and can also be leading to our downfall when meeting up in person.  I wasn’t a fan of his “If a girl doesn’t put out in 2 link ups drop her out”  but I can understand his views on the 90 day rule. Yes, I believe if I am worth it to a guy, he should wait. On that same hand, if a guy is worth it to me at day 30  why shouldn’t I be slipping into some lingerie only for him to rip it off. I’m all for not rushing into anything and getting to know someone, before putting my mattress to work, I’m not sure you can put a generic amount of time on it. The time should be when you are both ready.

So in conclusion, I have learnt today, that dating is still as difficult as fuck. But also, not to judge a book by its first few insta videos. If I had, my opinion of this guy and his advise would be all negative when actually, I dont agree with all of it, but he does have some good observations, which even I could learn from. So I am going to accept his request as I would like to see what else he has to say

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don’t let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤

Me Time

Clearly I have had a lot on my plate over the last few days, hence the dip in my mood 

Today has shaped up to be a better day. I got a workout in which I haven’t done for a couple of weeks. It was tough, but so worth it.  I’m loving the Joe Wickes HIIT workouts. I have been doing them since last November and am definitely noticing results. This is my favourite HIIT workout https://youtu.be/4fLyhx7m1Uk. These workouts as well getting my steps in, thanks to the Fitbit I got for Christmas, are keeping me on track with my fitness goals.

I’m currently chilling out watching one of my top 3 cartoons.  Despicable Me ☺️ I mean what’s not to love about it. Its got Minions and Unicorns in it.  So I’m going to get back to that. Below are a few inspirational quotes I came across today that I found helpful with reminding me of what I am trying to achieve. 

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don’t let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤️

An Amazing Badass

It is crazy how I can go from feeling super happy and enjoying life to feeling sad and wanting to shut myself off.  Happy mindset meet Anxiety. 🙄

Its like it waits for you to be feeling at the top of your game and then says “That’s my cue” 
I don’t think I’m having a full on episode.  It feels like I’m just struggling with my sense of calm, feeling overwhelmed by a million and 1 thoughts and can’t find my focus. Hmmmm, on second thoughts. I was working harder at the beginning of the week at focussing, staying positive, being productive, then the distractions of everyday life started creeping in and have peaked in the last 12 hours.  I know its up to me to get myself back to that better headspace. To worry less - therefore eliminating some of the many thoughts circulating my over active brain. To remember that even these mad up and down emotions are all a part of my pursuit to happiness or as I am also referring to it “The Better Me Movement” 

It takes a little bit of effort/work everyday. The 3 key things I need to keep on a rotating loop are Belief, Consistency and Patience. As the 3rd one is my nemesis I’m rolling my eyes at it even whilst I’m typing that. I want this shit fixed now!! 

So what can I do today to help? Well, I’m going to eat a mini tub of ice cream and maybe some popcorn. Yes, emotional eating is another issue to pin to the things I need to tackle board. But also I haven’t actually eaten that much today so I am kind of hungry too. I have been doing a few 10 minute meditations with Calm this week - Love this app BTW. So will fit in another 10 mins before bed. As well as writing here I have dropped a few words in a journal I keep.  Honestly, in an ideal world, I would have a magic wand and just use some kind for Harry Potter style expelliarmus spell, to get rid of the negative energy that’s parked itself on my shoulders.  But we don’t live at Hogwarts. So I am going to have to resort to muggles way of dealing with this. 😆 
Let go the things I am worrying about so much - most of them don’t deserve the amount of attention   they are getting.  Focus on happy vibes and remember baby steps. If I can learn to not punch people that irritate me in the throat, I can learn to pick myself up from feeling a little down. Would you believe that writing this has cheered me up? JK, it was the thought of some irritating prick being punched in the throat 😂. And no, I’m not advocating violence. I’m simply saying that I have come across some rather annoying people in my lifetime and the thought of them getting a right hook in their wind pipe is funny as fuck. 

Anyway, I’m off to remind myself that I am an amazing badass. You should too 😘

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don’t let anybody shit on your rainbow❤️

Get Up and Get Out

As if my body clock really woke me up and 6:30am on a Saturday morning 🙄

Logic would have suggested I stayed awake. The comfort of my bed recommended otherwise. So when my alarm when off at 8am, I almost threw my phone. That's the problem with going back to sleep, it makes you more tired when the time comes to actually get up. In my case grumpier. Nonetheless I forfeited the coziness of my bed and got up.

I got walk the walk done - video below.  I even switched up my route getting in 11.5k rather than usual 10. I'm not sure I will be doing that every week, walking up 2 hills back to back is great for my glutes but I wanted to fall back into the land of nod as soon as I got home.

As I have been holed up in my house on weekends since the beginning of the year, I decided it was time to take that crucial step of doing more. So I jumped my newly toned ass, on a train to green park and went to a little hot spot i like to hang out in. Waterstones. Yes, the book shop. I discovered it when I went to a meetup event there last year.  This one is 5 floors high and the best thing is you can just rock up and chill out on one of their many sofa's.  So that's what I did.  My book "My Name is Nobody" has reached that peak point, where I'm struggling to put it down. I love this point of any book - you're so engrossed you block out the whole world and  you just want to finish it to find out how it ends.  I was in there for a good couple of hours, before I  went to choose some more books to buy - Note to self - remember to research books/authors before going to buy. This place contains more books than the library in Beauty and the Beast.

It only occurred to me how hungry I was when I walked up the stairs from the 1st to the 5th floor to use the toilets (only to be told they were out of order, so I had to use the ones of the lower ground floor). I really got those steps in today. 24,772 to be precise.  So I  went to grab a coffee and a cinnamon danish.  FYI damn good Danish. Now I'm thinking about it I should have bought one to go.  I mean I have earned the calories right.  As I was in no hurry I casually strolled back to the station. Even bumped into a colleague from work on the way.

The point to these chronicles of my days movements, was that that even though I was spending the day on my own, I was doing something I enjoyed and was OK being by myself.  The thing is even when your out on your own,  you meet and can end up chatting to random people.  For example, once I was back on the tube, a group of girls, jumped on just before the doors were closing and one got stuck, so the others fought with the door to help her. Standard procedure - my girls would have done the same. Now the train driver, decided to announce that the train was now being held in the platform due to the restraining of the door. Fair play. However this driver chose to broadcast to the whole train that "due to some people being idiots, the train was being held up until further notice" He then continued with his rant by pointing out that "Its not hard to be adults, thankfully for these idiots that held up the train and that they should have used there brains and waited for the next one to arrive" To which, myself and 3 other ladies in the carriage exchanged looks of amused shock at how hard he was going in on these girls. Which sparked a conversation. Now its not like I became BFF with these ladies, but you never know what a random conversation could lead to.

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤

Happy Love Day

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Be Your Own Cheerleader

I have been super stressing, about not being able to come up with an entry for today.

Its had me worried that I managed a whole week, but that maybe it was pot luck and  I actually have no clue about what I am doing. I have been so proud of every entry I have posted over the last 8 days. But not knowing what to write about all day today has got me doubting why I even bothered starting this blog. So I thought I would check out Pinterest (looking at shoes, desserts and holiday spots really does cheer me up) and I came across a blog that had some great posts about blogging as a beginner.

It made me realise the below  

A) I have only been doing this for a week - So if i’m nowhere near perfect thats ok

B) This a something for me. Something I did to make me happier - I love that I have stepped out of my comfort zone and  am sharing it, but its something I am doing for myself first and the world second.

C) I need to stop worrying about what people may think of it or say about it - truth is not everyone will like it. But some people will love it - All I need to focus on is writing it. But you get protective over things you put your heart into and are proud of.  Plus there are some serious c**ts in the world. (Im not quite ready to fully drop a C Bomb on here just yet. Don’t worry give it time. Someone will piss me off enough)

D) The most important one of all - Enjoy it. Stop stressing over not being able to post something everyday (although managing to write this post has  kind of smashed todays problem) I have been excited about writing this all week - lets not let fear and worry trample all over that.  Below are a couple of quotes that have helped me today.

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don’t let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤

Getting over Myself

How ironic is it that exactly a week after starting this blog my brain cannot actually settle on  anything to write about today. Sods law.

Maybe this blog was only meant to be a week long. Nah. Its more likely my brain has simply over thought itself into a chaotic state of blankness. So lets start off by calming the hell down and remembering everyday may not be 3000 word account of my off the wall sense of humor. Or a biography of all the serious shit I think about. I cant really tell you a lot about my experiences at the moment  as I am hibernating, but I guess I am going to have to stop pottering around my house and get back out into the world eventually.

I wonder how frowned upon it would be to wear a onsie to work? - See random as fuck

Speaking of experiences, I need to get on with ticking off a few more things on my to do/bucket list. Its crazy that I have lived in London my entire life and there is so much here to see and do that I have not participated in. I only got to the Tate modern at the end of last year (the one at south-bank, as there are apparently 2 now).  The actual building itself is very deceiving from the outside. There's like 10 floors in there and you wouldn't think that, seeing it from the outside. 
Funny fact - there are signs on the outside wall that read "Do Not Climb The Walls" seriously who is doing a Spider-man up the side of the Tate? 

I only went and checked out the free exhibitions. I have never really been into art so I wanted to go see if I liked it and I was pleasantly surprised. My favourite parts - the light show, the statue of radios going back over the last few decades and some seriously amazing bold coloured paintings.  However, there were a couple of items in there, that made we wonder how 4 year old children, are not selling there macaroni pictures for the same shit load of money, some of this art work was probably going for. Now I'm not trying to disrespect the artists or their work.  I know you have to have an appreciation of art, to be able to see past what I saw. Which was a painting that looked like the artist simply cleaned his brush on a piece of paper and sold it to the Tate. I will say its definitely worth a  day trip. Even if you are not heavily into art, there is some really nice stuff to just go and look at. Oh and its also I nice destination for a date 😉 They have some nice looking bars and restaurants right outside of it. There is also a really lovely looking Hilton Hotel (which I will be looking at staying in at some point) with a quirky little bar attached to it. 

So once its gets warmer,  I will be making more of an effort to walk around London to see what else there is to be seen and done.  I also would like to get around England more. I have never been to Liverpool, even though they are the football team I support. Yes I know, I don't support a London team, Blasphemy. But they have been the team I have backed since I was 8 years old  (the boy I had a crush on liked them) and I have been loyal to them ever since. No, I have never been to Anfield (or any other ground) to see them play, I rarely ever  know when we are actually playing, let alone if we have won or who is on the team, but if there is any team that is going to have my support and loyalty its them. I would like to check out Newcastle - See what make the Geordie Shore lot go so crazy. Also Manchester, Cambridge and a few others. So it looks like I will be booking a few spa weekends this year. Get in Groupon. 

Looks like my brain has calmed down a bit. But lets not overstretch the poor thing. I want to try and get another film in today. I watched 'Book Club' earlier. Was OK - had some funny moments. 4 older ladies reading the 50 Shades books. The films were great, but the books were better. I know people think the Fifty Shades Trilogy is just about tied up sex, spanking, jiggle balls, whips, handcuffs, cable ties, vibrators and nipple clamps - wait where was I going with this? (I don't quite get nipple clamps, but then again I'm not about the pain pleasure life. Pleasure & Pleasure is all good for me, but as always each to there own) but there is a really good love story behind it. I'm all about the love of Romeo & Juliet, but I will take the evolving love, hot sex and staying alive of Christian Grey & Anastasia Steele all day. There is also a very good lesson on reading contracts before signing them. 

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anyone shit on your rainbow 💓

Positive Reinforcements

It occurred to me today that I am on a pursuit of happiness over the next year, but I could end up being sadder than when I started. 

We have no control over the unforeseen circumstances, that can arise to turn our worlds upside down. We can only control how we deal with them.  I am trying to do whatever I can to create a happier lifestyle, rather than coasting through the sub-par rat race I'm currently engaged in.  Please don't get me wrong my life isn't awful, I just feel I am doing more existing than living and that's the kind of shit regrets are made of. But what if on my journey to be better version of myself, things goes tits up and I end up worse off.

There are a few things I need to work on within this little adventure - focus, self love, facing fears, trying new things, body confidence.  What if I do not achieve any of them?What if whilst trying to improve the above I fall flat on my ass? The truth is I might fail. The truth also is, I wont know until I have actually tried and worrying about failing at this point is a product of  negative thoughts. Now these little motherfuckers creep up when you need them the absolute least.  If you do not learn how to banish them, like Romeo was from Verona, they can have the worst impact on your day to day life. Good news, there is an antidote. Positive thinking 😄 Bad news, like everything worth anything, you have to put in the work to train your mind differently and that can take time.  If you're anything like me and impatience is your nemesis, this will sucks balls 😒 I'm well aware that  putting in a consistent effort to get to where I want to be,  will help me to  appreciate my end destination. My problem is I want it now and that's just not going to happen. Not unless Morpheus has come up with a third pill I don't know about. 

So seeing as though its going to be another baby steps situation of me making small changes everyday, I'm going to acknowledge the things I did today to add some positive elements to my life.

Walk the Walk😊 - A 10k walk I did this morning and have done every Saturday this year so far.  I started it in 2017 and did it every week barring 3. I slacked off quite a bit last year, but I'm back on it this year. Despite the sun shining brightly, it was not bikini weather, but I still got out there and got it done as you can see below

Garlic & Honey Prawns - I tried a new recipe again today.  Again it was a very simple one, but it tasted amaze balls. I had some tenderstem broccoli which I sauteed in sesame seed oil and garlic. (Seriously, what rock have I been living under that I have only just tried cooking with sesame seed oil today).  I literally could have eaten just a bowl of the broccoli cooked in that.

Blog - So if you have been reading my posts for the last 7 days, you will notice I now have a different theme. I spent a good few hours playing around with this (I can be a little bit indecisive), but I am loving the new look. Red is my favorite colour, in case my hair and lipstick didn't give that away. 

So all in all I'm feeling pretty good about myself. I guess the point I need to remember is, positivity is not going to come easily everyday, so some days I'm going to have to work harder at boosting it. 

Can I just say, that if anyone reading this is having a bad day or a negative thought day, it is temporary. If  you can find something positive to do, no matter how small, do it. But if you're feeling so low, it feels like your head is on the ground, lift it just a little bit. That's a good enough first step. I know you might say its easy for me to say that, sitting on my positive perch today. But believe me, I know what its like to sit on the lowest step. The step that you just don't have it in you to get up from.  The one that keeps you so low, the only peace you get, is when your are locked away in a room, under a blanket, sleeping, because all the things/thoughts that are making you low have stopped for those few hours your eyes are closed. So like I said, just lift a little at at time. 

I have not spent the whole day watching Lego cartoons as I thought I would but all in all have still had a good day and am looking forward to my lie in tomorrow.

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anyone shit on your rainbow 💓

Cartoons & Chocolate

They say you shouldn’t wish your life away and its true, you never know how long you have left. But I was happier than a hooker with a negative  STD test result when it hit 5:30 today. 

I literally ran out of work so fast I saw The Flash behind me.  This hurricane Katrina weather and February still being a ‘broke from christmas’ month has got me housebound and happy with it.  I have my walk to do tomorrow (weather dependent) but if not, Sky has considerately just set up the Lego channel, running back to back Lego cartooons.  Between that and the M&S chocolate and hazelnut bar I bought today my weekend is set. Kind of easy to see why I am still single right? Nope, struggling to see it, me too.  Seriously though if a guy cannot accept my love of cartoons and chocolate, please send a return to sender address as your application to date me will be denied.  

The truth is I had been in back to back long term relationships since I was 21.  Even when my last courtship ended I didn’t know how to be on my own, so I kept trying to date so I wouldn’t have to be.  After about 18 months of only first dates,  It occurred to me that maybe I needed to be on my own, so I stopped dating for 2 years.  Then started on and off 2 years ago. What I have come to realise, is that simply stopping dating wasn’t enough.  I should have been learning about myself. Learning who I was, what I wanted and more importantly what I deserved.  But I didn’t and it has led to what feels like a millennium of being on my own and often feeling wrapped from head to toe in a lonely blanket.  

So when I started dating again last year,  nothing was really working out.  Partially because I didn’t know enough about me or love enough about me, to be dating the right men.  Some of the guys I met, turned out to be friends to this day.  Some of them turned out to be guys there was just no connection with.  Some turned out to be such dickheads you consider calling in a black ops team take them out.  Now you will notice I said connection  and not spark.  I always thought dating had to be all about the spark, all about the fireworks.  But I want a relationship not a Bonfire night. Of course you should want to rip someone’s clothes off, but if that's all there is, it may make for a great booty call but probably nothing more meaningful and lasting than that.  Let me be as clear as Volvic water, there is nothing wrong with a booty call.  Netflix and chill did not fall off the back of a lorry. It was birthed from the “We are just fucking and maybe ordering a pizza after” type of situation.  If you have that and it makes you happy, get that Dick and Dominoes. 

The hardest thing I have realised is the lack of love I have for myself.  Its shown in a lot of my choices.  Also in the efforts I have put into other peoples happiness whilst sacrificing my own. I need to prioritise loving myself first as i’m thinking this is another piece of my being happier puzzle. You only live once. If you are not number 1, you may as well be taking a number 2 all over your life. 

How does one learn to love oneself more? Well google it obviously 🙄A couple of starting points. Positive affirmations - If you can’t say positive and nice things about yourself, why should anybody else.  Keeping a gratitude journal - still not quite sure how this adds to me loving me, but I do like writing down at least a couple of things I am grateful for daily.  My personal favourite - Telling more people to “Fuck off” (Google says “saying no more” but I prefer my version).  Saying yes to everyone’s, every request or demand, leaves less and less time and space in my life for me.  Its my life, why should other peoples needs be taking up so much of it.  All 3 of the above must have contributed something to my I ❤ me party, because not only did I start putting into writing all the kooky madness going on in my bizarre brain, I am now on day 6.👏 

Okay I want to go and lie down now (and i’m pretty sure Lego batman is about to start) soooooo

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don’t let anybody shit on your rainbow ❤

Meat Free

Seriously no meat whatsoever 

If your mind works on the same inappropriate sexual axis that mine does, you may be inclined to think, the title of today’s post is in reference to my lack of penis due to my dating status.  If not and you thought that I just made a meat free meal, you would be correct. 

If someone had told me a year ago, I would be able to actually enjoy, let alone cook a meat free meal myself, I would have said that, that person had hit the crack pipe way too hard that day. But what a difference a year can make. I have definitely cut down on my meat intake (and my penis intake - I’m less happy about the latter) over the last 12 months and I’m actually adapting to it.  Now all of you vegan’s out there, please do not throw your quinoa in the air in celebration, I’m not giving up meat for good. I’m not about that life. But I can definitely appreciate some contributions from your world. Not that the meal I made today was Vegan, more vegetarian. But I did try a lasagne made with lentils for the meat, butternut squash for the pasta and cashews and oat milk for the cheese aspect recently and you know I would happily eat it again.  Am I going to trade in chicken for chick peas........hmmmmmmm NO.  But they can both live in harmony on my plate. 

So today, after asking my vegan friend what I should have for dinner, he suggested a wrap.  Now that sounded like a good idea as I knew I had feta at home.  So I picked up some veggies and wraps after work and voila.  I have even attached a little video I made.  Please excuse my lack of filming & photography skills, I’m no Michael Bay.  However please do appreciate my beautiful kitchen.😍 Now I know your probably thinking  “You made a wrap, big deal”.  True, its not a big deal to make a wrap, its veggies and bread.  But it is a big deal for me to have tried a new recipe and to share it (with a video I might add, I’m going to see if I can go 2 for 2 and attach some pictures too) on my blog. Quite frankly I’m proud.  Rather than just go with something I may usually have for dinner, I decided to branch out.  

So the moral of the story is, a small task this may have been, nevertheless I  have done something new that I am proud of. Proving you need to take small steps as well as big ones to find out what you are made of. 

One small step for man, one giant leap for my tummy😂

Well I have got dishes to wash and frozen blueberries to eat.

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don’t let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤

Victory is Mine

Shut up, did I actually just create my first blog page all by myself?

I totally understand that creating a blog page as opposed to a post may be a small victory to some, but to this born in 1982 kid, I'm as proud by this, as I would be if I had done a Tony Stark and learnt thermo nuclear astro physics over night. Sooooooooooo yaaaaaaay me.

Isn't it funny how the smallest things can make you super proud.  Normally when I need something done or need to learn something, I ask my brain box sister to research it and then give me what I like to call the "Dummy Version". But I actually sat and learnt (well googled) how to create my first page myself.

 I then saw how to get creative with different themes, backgrounds and layouts. However that will have to wait for another day.  I can get quite engrossed with stuff like that and I have to go back to the place that pays me to turn up for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week tomorrow. 😞 Don't get me wrong I love having a job (I do not do well with too much down time). I have just been questioning how I  feel about this job (note to self, do not give any work colleagues the link to this blog😅) Just kidding.....but not really.  Maybe it isn't the job, maybe its my life and the lack of purpose in it.  Maybe once I am feeling happier within myself, I will feel better about it. (I know right who am I kidding...lool) but as with everything else over the next year, we will sure as hell  find out.

Speaking of being proud, I strapped on my nut sack and sent the link to this blog to 3 friends last night.  So that's 4 people that now know I'm bearing my soul to the world.  I'm going to try letting a few people know at a time and then if I haven't smashed my laptop in frustration from running out of things to write about in 30 days (from my first post) I will add it to my social media pages and then I guess there is no turning back. 

Today is going to be short and sweet as I have exhausted my brain cells with the whole new page lesson and I would like to get in 1 more episode of Grace & Frankie before bed. 

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anyone shit on your rainbow 💓

Frozen Blueberries

So as you can imagine being that this is my 3rd day of writing this blog, with no particular subject in mind, other than sheer randomness, I am stumped as to what to write about next.  So I figure i’d give a shout out to my favourite healthy snack....Frozen blueberries 😋

Why frozen? Because I love the cartoon 😂 Just kidding. Not about loving Frozen its an epic cartoon. (Please don’t anyone disagree i’d hate to have to punch you in the throat) It’s because I don’t like the texture of fresh blueberries, they feel weird in my mouth. For the at least 50% of the population that think like me, get your head out of the gutter. This is not a post about things that may or may not feel weird in my mouth - although put a pin in that we should definitely circle back to this subject at a later date. 

Now here’s the weird part.  I can’t  buy them frozen and eat them, I have to buy them fresh, freeze them and then let them defrost a little, so they are like little slush puppy balls.  I could literally eat bucket loads.  So much so that when I went to America last year to visit my sister, she had to buy a massive container and freeze them before I arrived.  She really is the best.  She’s probably the only person reading my blog posts (because she is the only person I have told I am writing them, I still haven’t quite plucked up the courage to let the whole world know yet, but I am still writing them so baby steps) but mainly because she is one of my biggest supporters in life.  

What’s most amazing about this relationship is that she is not my sister by blood. However she means more to me than some of my blood relatives combined.  Its crazy that we are taught that blood family is everything and that you have to stand by them, put up with their shit, have them continuously negatively impact your life because they are family. When in reality that’s horseshit.  I’m not trying to disrespect anyone’s family values or beliefs, all I’m saying is if blood family relatives hurt you, cause you drama and just add unnecessary stress to your life on a regular basis, its okay to get a machete and cut them out.  Its probably not okay to use that machete to cut them, but I will leave that decision with you.

On the flip side, if you have people in your life that help to lift you up, are by your side through any and everything its okay to call them family. They say blood is thicker than water, but if blood is drowning you, jump your ass in a lifeboat and head to the ocean. 

Just to be clear I have 2 sisters - The one I am referring to above “my adopted sister” and my baby sister (who we share the same dad but not mum's). People like to correct me and say “oh your half sister” No Linda “My Sister” Both of them are simply my sisters. I love them both, would die for them both (equally would kill for them both) and my life would be worst off without them in it. 

The same can  be said for a few of my friends. They have gotten me through some really tough times over the last few years and I am grateful to have them in my circle. You definitely do not need a football teams worth of friends,  just a few really goods ones.  Even just 1 or 2 will do.  I have had some very lonely times over the past couple of years that have taken me to some rather dark places, but having some great people in my life has helped me to find my fight and to not give up. Don’t get me wrong, giving up has been an option more times than I care to admit, but I haven’t yet and I’m working towards making sure I never do.

What do you know I found something to write about 😄 Here’s to hoping this shit keeps flowing.  So I have decided I am going to sign off my posts with the same positive message I sign off my walk the walk videos with (will post a video after my next walk)

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don’t let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤

Oh yeah, I also have a brother 😂 

Facing the Fear

So I got through my first post, which I was pretty proud of and then the fear set in. 

What if I can only write one good post? What if the novelty had worn off by the time I had woken up this morning? What if this is a big mistake? Pretty much the usual feelings that cause me to back away from things that are out of my comfort zone. The fear of failure. The fear of putting myself out there for the world to see.  The fear of putting my everything into something and it not working out the way I planned or worse, leaves me worse off than before I started.  I’m scared of all of these things regarding this blog because I am actually quite excited about writing this blog. 

 The same fears can be applied to other aspects of life and the fear of the way things may turn out can stop you doing them. Cooking - what if the dish doesn’t look like it does in the picture? What if my cooking kills someone?(I mean not mine, I’m a pretty good cook) Traveling - especially on my own. I’ve seen Taken. My dads great but I’m not sure if he is Liam Neeson great. Who am I kidding he probably is. 😁

Having been single as long as I have, I have had to face the fear of doing things on my own so that I do not miss out, but it can be difficult at first. Going to the cinema on my own wasn’t the worst because I don’t really talk whilst watching films anyway.  But going to lunch/dinner or for a drink in a new bar I wanted to check out, that took a while. Then there was my first overnight stay at a hotel.  FYI The Courthouse Shoreditch - nice hotel. That was hard, watching other couples and groups, but after I had done it, I was glad I had. Would I  book another overnight stay on my own? Yes, I like staying in nice hotels. Would I prefer to have the company of a nice gentleman who I can spend my  time there with naked? of course.  The point is I bit the bullet and now know that I can and probably will do it again. Next I will pluck up the courage to go on my first holiday on my own. 


There are so many fears (some legit and some a little crazy) that have stopped or delayed me doing things and I think that's played its part in me being where I am now with not fully knowing who I am and what I truly want.  So facing my fears has to be part of this journey.  Let’s not get it twisted I am not going bungee jumping tomorrow but I am going to start with trying to not be scared with how this blog may turn out and just keep writing it.  Just keep getting my random madness out there and see where it takes me.

36 & Still Haven’t Got A Clue

Sooooooo, I’m really hoping I’m not the only person who has no clue as to what I am meant to be doing with my life. 

At the great age of 36, everybody around me seems to have it all figured out and be super happy and I feel like I’m sitting in the waiting room of life.  Not married, no kids and have been single since before the first episode of Game of Thrones aired.  I have no clue as to what I actually want to do career wise, so I started reading some articles to help me figure it out and they all say to focus on what you enjoy.  Unfortunately I haven't quite figured that out either. (I know right, you would think I was 6 rather than 36). The one thing I do remember liking when I was younger was writing but that was over 2 decades ago, so I have no idea if I’m actually any good at it anymore.  So I am simply going to swallow a “grow some balls pill” and start writing this blog.

I read an article by Penelope Trunk that said not to worry if nobody is reading your posts in the beginning, which may be for the best, i'm pretty sure my grammar is awful.  However rather than just writing in a diary I figure, I would try writing in public and see if its something I like doing or can do.  If not at least I would have faced my fears and tried something new.  I do not think there is going to be a specific subject I will be writing about, I can be quite a random person, so even I don’t know what to expect from my posts but for right now, that's kind of the point. Getting my random thoughts onto this page.

So where do I even begin. Let’s start with what led me to starting this blog.  I was colouring in my “Shit Happens” colouring in book, it really is stress relieving - today’s word was asshole.  I was trying to break up my day as I have been at home pretty much the whole weekend - its cold and even though I have finished dry Jan, I’m trying not to jump straight back into drinking massive amounts.  Some not great life choices were made in 2018 thanks to my good pal Prosecco. Still love that bitch though 😁.  So I am in hibernation mode, which is cool, but can be boring if there is not someone else there to wrap up in a blanket with.  Now I’m not saying you have to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy hibernating, I’m saying that not having someone for over six years has meant I have a closer relationship with Ben & Jerry than I would like. But we have to make ourselves happy first - so I guess that’s where I am going to work harder to focus my attention. I am going to update this blog with all the random stuff I do this year in my pursuit of happiness (good & bad) and see what happens.