So today a guy added me on Instagram. I don’t know him, but we have a couple of mutual friends so I thought I would check out his page to see who he was.
He is listed as a dating coach - advice for guys and ladies, so I decided to watch some of his videos. God knows I could use the help.😁 So I started watching his videos from the top of the page (the most recent) and I was hooked watching one after the other. Now you may be led to believe that this was due to his abundance of insightful wisdom, but you would be wrong. It was because I was so shocked at the impression of dating he was giving off. His opinion suggested that guys (more so than girls) need not bother putting in any effort. That it wasn’t necessary taking ladies out to dinner for a first date as you didnt know if they were going to stick around anyway. He encouraged the thought pattern that this is real life and not the movies, which put forth a view that romance and chivalry are a waste of time. Grantedly its not all heart emoji’s, rainbows and fairytale endings, but I refuse to believe there cant be any element of happily ever after in there somewhere. Of course real life relationships have there ups and down - shit takes work. But that shouldn’t defy the love story. It shouldn’t stop us texting just to say “thinking of you” or doing something nice for someone you know they will appreciate. Effort is one of the most necessary contributions to any relationship. It doesn’t have to be spending massive amounts of money or professing your love all over social media. As long as your effort lets the other person know you are making that effort for them.
Now for someone like myself who will be hopefully be dating again before we get flying cars - hearing these views from this guy, sent me through a world of emotions. Shock. Anger. Disappointment. Shocked that someone appears to be telling guys, not to place a high value on women. Angry - at the lack of respect for dating women. Disappointed that he was putting out a message that romance wasn’t necessary. Yes, romance is necessary! From both sides. It shouldnt all fall to men. Women need to do there part too. It cant just be down to the guy to put on this big show of impression for girls. We need to impress them too. Ladies you dont deserve a 50/50 relationship if you aren’t pitching in your half.
Now, he made a good point, in regards to continuously taking a girl out if things aren’t going anywhere, or if she appears to be in it, just to get taken out to dinner and for the free food. I believe no matter what you do for a first date, a guy should pay. Its gentlemanly. But I don’t think its fair for either party to assume a guy should pay for everything all the time. Even if a guy wants to pay for everything you do together, a girl should make a point of paying for them both at least some of the time. Its only fair and shows an investment to the relationship from both sides. Bearing in mind, there are situations that acceptions can be made. For example you may have kids and the woman may have to stay at home and no longer work whilst the man financially provides, so technically he will be paying for everything, but you are raising kids and running a home. To be clear, this acception works both ways. Women making that paper whilst men make that pot roast.
So after watching 5 or 6 of this guys videos, I couldn’t understand why he felt he was someone that should be giving dating advice - especially advice that I felt was tailored for guys to basically help them bang, with minimal effort. Needless, to say I didnt think there was any need for me to accept this follow request.
However, I carried on watching his videos and as much as I do not agree with some of the of the things he says, I can definitely appreciate some of the guidance he has given. He talked about Validation. Girls or guys - letting someone know that you are 100% into them to early on. If you are always available to someone, there is no chase and the other person (9 times out of 10) will begin to lose interest. He made a point by saying hold back and don’t be the one that’s always chasing the other person all the time. Let them do some of the work. Now this sounds obvious - but you would be surprised how many girls and guys (I have been guilty of it myself in the past) have become smitten so fast you forget that life existed before this person. You aim all of your attention into this person trying to draw them in when in actuality you’re pushing them away. Neediness is as unattractive to girls as it is to guys.
He gave some good insight into reasons why guys may be online dating. Also about how the types of photos we upload compared to how we look in real life , can be classed as false advertising and can also be leading to our downfall when meeting up in person. I wasn’t a fan of his “If a girl doesn’t put out in 2 link ups drop her out” but I can understand his views on the 90 day rule. Yes, I believe if I am worth it to a guy, he should wait. On that same hand, if a guy is worth it to me at day 30 why shouldn’t I be slipping into some lingerie only for him to rip it off. I’m all for not rushing into anything and getting to know someone, before putting my mattress to work, I’m not sure you can put a generic amount of time on it. The time should be when you are both ready.
So in conclusion, I have learnt today, that dating is still as difficult as fuck. But also, not to judge a book by its first few insta videos. If I had, my opinion of this guy and his advise would be all negative when actually, I dont agree with all of it, but he does have some good observations, which even I could learn from. So I am going to accept his request as I would like to see what else he has to say
Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don’t let anyone shit on your rainbow ❤
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