Letting Go

Elsa had the right idea when she belted out “Let it Go”

She used the platform, of one of the best Disney films ever made to send a powerful message with a catchy tune attached. (Others include ‘Hakuna Matata’ - The Lion King and ‘Friend Like Me’ - Aladdin. She basically declared that she’d lived her whole life, not being herself and she was done with that. She’d spent over a decade, locked away in her room, not living any kind of life, let alone her best one. Understandably, there was the fear that she would hurt her sister again, but that fear caused her parents to force her into a sheltered existence. Had her parents taught her how to live with her powers, rather than shut her away from the world, she would have been better equipped to handle them as an adult. Now, obviously in hindsight they did what they thought was best, as we all do. However, sometimes hiding from what we perceive to be the worst parts of ourselves, rather than face them, can have catastrophic consequences.

Nevertheless, when the time came, it didn't take her long to say ’Fuck it’. Fear drove her up that mountain, but by the time she was at the top, she got her groove back faster than Stella did in Jamaica. She threw on a new dress, whipped her hair back and forth, built her dream house and threw back some confidence pills like they were nurofen. All because she decided to let go of fear and worry.

Obviously, before her sister turned up (with yet another man) and the baddies tried to kill her, she was happy. “Let it Go” is a paramount message that most of us don’t even hear, let alone listen to. We hold onto so much, causing us to be weighed down.

They say “Worrying about tomorrow, only ruins the joy of  today”

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been worried about certain elements of my life.

Work - Do I stay or do I go? How will we cope with the current staffing situation? Will the window cleaners ever clean the windows in our new office? (This one is less of a worry and more me putting it out into the universe so it gets done) I’ve been going back and forth on how to proceed regarding a company that has approached me vs the company I currently work for. What has become clearer to me, is I’ve actually been more concerned with how the new company will react if I turn them down. Or how the current company will react if I leave. You’ll notice that none of those 2 concerns are about me. My mind, has been playing mental table tennis. The result being my calm has been replaced with chaos. This brought to my attention the need, to reverse that. What lessons was I being shown from this situation and how would I use them to get through it?

A) Better emotional control

B) Prioritising my feelings

As of this evening, I couldn't give two fucks about how the new or current company feel about any decision I decide to make. Now this could be down to, seeing Arya being a badass in GoT this morning, or because I have been repeating the affirmation “Prioritise Myself” since last night. It’s probably a bit of both. I’m now less concerned, with how, whatever decision I chose to make affects them. Being more selfish is something I’m advocating for. Especially if it’s for the best of me.

On the other hand, there are cases of being too selfish. I’m not going to go into details, as it’s a work situation I'm referring to. But, being super selfish towards your team, simply because you want to spite one colleague is a dick move. I don’t wish this person any ill will. But please know, if you make a dick move karma, will dust off her binoculars to find you. She misses no one. However, knowing that kind of negative energy, will soon no longer be around me, is a blessing. 

Friendships/Relationships - worrying about one sided situations. I have some great friends. Most of whom, I don't speak to everyday or even see weekly and our friendships are continuously growing. You don't have to be tied at the hip for a relationship to survive. If both sides are willing to put in an effort, then it will work. But if neither party are contributing, how long are things expected to last? I have a current friendship, that has lasted almost 20 years now. I don't want to see it die out especially as I've invested so much time into it. Its left me stressed thinking about how things have  become distant. Worrying about what to do to fix it. Should I be the one to make the first move and reach out? Sometimes, you have to be the one to extend the olive branch, which is fine if you're both willing to do that. I figured I'd call when I got back from Switzerland. Then whilst away something occurred to me.....

                What would I even say? Things feels so distant and awkward now

Then something more important occurred to me
                       
                      Why should I be the one that reaches out ......again?

There are 2 sides to this friendship, I feel I'm always the majority effort maker, which is fine, that was my choice. On the other hand, why should I still be doing that? Why should I be the one to make the effort .....again. As soon as those questions popped into my head, the answer followed suit.........."You shouldn't"

Fighting for a friendship/relationship is admirable, but you shouldn't be the only one fighting. I don't want to lose my friend, but I also don't want a one-sided friendship. I'm not even 100%  this friendship is meant to survive anymore. So as sad as it may be, I'm beginning to let go. I'm letting go of worrying about whether our friendship will be maintained. I'm letting go of stressing over losing a friendship, where the other person doesn't seem bothered. The motivational podcasts I listen to advise things such as "Just because you've been friends, doesn't mean you're meant to stay friends" and If it doesn't serve you, let it go" I will leave this one in gods hands.

We can only carry a certain amount before we fall (unless its 3 bottles of prosecco and a box of 12 krispy kreme donuts - then I become wonder woman). We have to teach ourselves the difference between, what we need to hold onto, what we need to work through so we can put it down and what we need to never have picked up.

I've added an exercise for the above to my goals for this week

So my goals for this week are....

1. 3 Workouts - I happily indulged in Geneva. Time to sort that out. Back to Joe Wick's for some HIIT workouts.
2. 10K steps at least 5 days - I'm not wearing this Fitbit for fashion purposes. Although with my pink straps, I could
3. Morning Affirmations - I must put the work in if I'm going to love myself as much as others do
4.  Stress Relief - It would be great if this was about sex., but I'm still not dating yet sooooooo. Acknowledging a situation that stresses me and finding a productive way to work through it or let it go.
5. Blog Post (Other than this one) - Even if its just to promote a bit of self-love and positivity

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow💗