Good vs Evil

I'm starting to understand why Anakin Skywalker gave into the dark side of the force.

It often feels like the harder I work, to become a better version of myself, the more formidable the universe is, at trying to keep me where I am. Or worse, dragging me further down.

I've even considered the possibility, that my life is a modern day Truman Show. Narcissistic overlords, in the background, pulling the strings for shits and giggles. But, I know its a simple case of, this is how life works. I've come to realise, the further I roam into "The Better Me Movement" I'll develop the necessary skills to survive this roller coaster called  life. But not without the odd stumbling block.

                                "Nothing Worth Anything Comes Easily"

I want to see where this journey takes me. What I learn from it? What I feel during and after it? How my life changes because of it? Which brings me to today's post.....

I'm familiar with the negative thought pattern, that rolls around in my head. Its what encourages me to be a positive person. There's a lot of shitty things going on in the world, but I still try to sit on #TeamGood, in the battle of Good vs Evil. However, not only did I lose sight of that for a minute this weekend, I wasn't sure if I even wanted my membership card to  #TeamGood.

I was on my way home from a pre-bank holiday weekend, night out with work - a rather random 12 hours consisting of 3 new friends, 2 bars and 1 broken leg. Even though it was 4am, I decided to get the tube. The lines I needed run 24hrs and I was already at the station. I got on the central line (which was shockingly empty - a state in which I've never seen it) I didn't have to wait too long for the Victoria Line. I hopped onto a carriage to the left of me, rather than the one directly in front of me, which I put down to me being my usual random self. As it turns out, it was the Universe, better yet God, guiding me out of harms way. I was highly engrossed in watching 'Line of Duty' and am not even sure, what made me look up and to my left into the carriage I'd avoided. It was at this point that I noticed, what can only be described as 2 DISGUSTING VILE CUNTS beating up and robbing a boy. They were hitting him, tormenting him and when the train stopped at seven sisters, they dragged him off.

Now, I know sadly shit like this happens all over the world, everyday. However, to see it first hand, in such close quarters, was heart-breaking to witness. The fact that these two cowardly cunts, felt that they had the right to ruin this poor boy's journey, let alone his day and possibly his life is unfathomable to me. How dare they!!!

I have no idea what happened to this boy after they dragged him off of the train. Before we arrived at seven sisters I saw one of these two Asshats walking towards the carriage I was in and I felt sick with fear. A million thoughts were going through my head, but the one that echoed the loudest was "God please get me out of here now". I kept praying for the doors to close. This thought made me feel selfish. The fact that I was more concerned about my safety, than what was happening to this unlucky boy. As soon as I exited the train station, I jumped into a cab. The moment I was safely back in my house, is when the anger kicked in. The anger for that ill-fated boy, who was just going about his day and had his life intruded on. The anger that there is blatantly such evil in the world. The anger that they were probably going to get away with it. The anger that even if they were caught, there were so many others out there like them. The anger at myself and others on the train who saw, but did nothing, out of fear of what could happen. The anger that we now have to live in a society, where the first instinct is not to get involved, out of fear of losing your own life.

The incident hit me quite hard. It made me hate (a word I rarely use) humanity. It made me wish for the entire world to be wiped out Thanos style. Why should the good have to live through such evil? Why should the evil be able to ruin all that is good? It made me so sad that it reduced me to tears. Not because I didn't know the world is a shit place, but because its saddening to be reminded how awful it can truly be. I felt so bitter from it, that even whilst my sister was trying her utmost to convince me, not let go of my positive outlook, I'd already given up. I felt a pain that wiped out my faith in Humanity. As far as I was concerned Humanity sucked and they should burn.

That was 4 days ago.....

I still believe, those 2 bastards and anyone else who harms others just because they can, should die slow painful deaths (God forgive me, but my view isn't likely to shift on this one) My faith in humanity is not back up at the level it was, but its not down at a level where I feel everyone should perish. I know there is good in the world. Its just going to take me a minute, to solidify my reasoning as to why I'm a member of #Teamgood. Going to see Avengers: Endgame for the 2nd time on Saturday, probably gave me a kick in the right direction. I'm not going to let, me observing this shit situation, make me only see the bad in the world. I don't deserve to live such a negative life and  the world deserves for me to be my positively crazy self.

The lesson being......

I may have booked a lastminute.com trip to negative town, but it was only a weekend break. I'm didn't buy a house and move there. The evil side of the universe threw me a cannonball to knock me off track. But the good side of the universe, taught me how to cope with it. It taught me, that even though I had a negative reaction, I was able to let it go. Team Evil Universe typically throws me garden variety  situations to keep me on my toes

• Selfish Work Colleague 
• The Mind Fuck Twins (Anxiety & Depression
• Emotional Stress 

They upped their game this weekend - but then again so did Team Good Universe. They sent family members and friends to check in on me, just to make sure I was ok. They sent me strangers on social media with words of encouragement. They gave me the time I needed to chill out, sort through my feelings and get on with my life.

There will always be situations and people in life that will try to drag you down. Some things will be more difficult than others, to get back on your feet from. That's fine! But do not EVER under any circumstances let those Asshole, Thunder Cunt, Motherfucking, Douche Bag, Wankers KEEP YOU DOWN. Work through whatever you need to and stand your beautiful ass back up again.

I've been a distracted from working on my blog and towards my dream life of recent. This has reminded me to get my shit together. To get back to building the life I want, even in these shitty times.

*If you've been offended, by any of the swearing in today's post.....You're going to need to get over that*

Have a great day, remember you're a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow💖