Calm out of Chaos

Shit's been a little.......peak recently. 

                                       Photo by Andea Ferrario on Unsplash
                                                         

I haven't had my head in the game and as a result everything's been a little up in the air. My plan to live my best life, hit a bit of a stumbling block. I’ve been focusing my attention on the wrong things and have not been strutting my stuff down the path to happiness that I'm trying to take. 

The funny thing is, I've not been in complete control, with the strongest head on my shoulders, but I also haven't completely fallen apart. Yes, I've deterred from that yellow brick road, but I'm also not back at the very beginning of my journey berating myself for slipping up. I’ve taken inventory of the madness that's been occurring and am post-it noting my way though the good and the bad.

The Good

• Reunions - I hung out with some old pals a couple of weeks ago for the hen do of my Princess Alicia. I got to spend time with her, My baby Mama Dani..lol, Charney and Crystal. Even though it ended in a rather messy and late night out, thanks to some rather large glasses of Pornstar Martinis and more than a few bottles of champagne, it was still a shit load of fun and I got to see some ladies I haven't seen in ages. Reminding me that although life gets busy for us all, we must carve out a little time, for each other, every now and then. 

• Exercise -  I'm happy to report, I've been keeping up with my workouts. My consistency with this tends to yo-yo, but I've kept up a pretty good rate of getting those squats in. I'm liking the way my ass is looking so much so, I find myself feeling it up, in appreciation of its new found shape. And why shouldn't I. It's my ass after all and no one else has their hands on it......well that's not entirely true, but that's a story for another day😏

• Body Image - As we are coming to the end of  #mentalhealthawarenessweek- which is focused on 'body image' I'm finding a little more acceptance, with what I see when I look in the mirror. I'm not head over heels in love with my reflection, yet, but I'm certainly feeling less dislike for what I see. This week I read a tweet from Gok Wan where he said "Its not about loving every bit of your body everyday, but simply about not hating your body” That's a very strong message, that so many people need to hear. I'd never looked at it from that perspective. We're all going to have things we see, when we look in the mirror that we are not over the moon about. That's okay. Just make sure you don't lose sight of the bigger picture. We're all beautiful in our own way!!

• An Alpha Team-  A great circle of people around you can literally re-shape your entire life. Amidst all of the chaos I've been feeling, there are a selection of people - My Little Chan Chan, My Niece, My Aunty Annie, My Duck, My Seanz, My Roo, My Rooley & even though I’ve only known them for a short amount of time, My Sabs & My Deirdre who have all played their very special part in making sure I keep my head above water. But more importantly, they encourage me to keep being, the best version of myself even when I feel like I can't. They let me be myself without judgement or ridicule. Which really says a lot because I can be an aggressive bitch 😂 You never really know how friendships are going to turn out. I could be trying to punch them all in the throat a month from now, but I am grateful that the universe saw fit to put them in my path. I also want to give a shout out My Daddy, who as you know is the best Dad in the world and my "Even though I want to kill him most of the time, but he's still my pal" Liam. Even though I prefer his brother...lool

• Skin Regime - So apparently, I’ve been super lucky in the fact that I could just wash my face, dry it with the vigor of a 4 year old boy and them smack some cream on and go. It would appear that, my luck has run out and I'm now having to engage in a skincare regime. Cue the rolling of the eyes. Bless my sister Chana, she's had me testing out a shit load of stuff to see what works and I'm not gonna lie, having gone from my previous regime to having to apply at least 4 different products morning and night was a little exasperating at first. You have to wake up like 2 days in advanced just to get this shit done. But having been doing it for over a month now, I'm kind of enjoying it. I guess I'm a proper girl now 😲 although don’t get it twisted I'm not at the waxing my Vagina stage. 

The Bad

• Focus - My focus being off means, I’ve been slacking with keeping up with my blog and working towards the writing life I want. I haven't felt calm enough to prioritize effectively, so I'm a little behind on where I wanted to be, in regards to writing more, creating more images and consistently keeping up with the writing community. But I'm aware of it and that's the first step to fixing it

• Social Life - As much as I love the social aspect of going out, it has taken me away from having productive weekends. I haven't done walk the walk in a while and I'm missing it. So in true Libra style, I need to find some balance. I don't want to become a house hermit, but I also don't want to spend my entire weekends in bed watching marvels films....actually that's quite a fun way to spend a weekend....but you get what I mean.

• Dating - I’ve been putting off dating for some time now. Partly because its been a while and , I'm a little scared to get back out there. Partly because I'm still working on myself. Although It feels like me being scared is the bigger reason. So its time to pull up my big girl thong and dip my toe into the dating pool. To be fair even if I do try and chicken out, sabs has put it in the calendar for me to join bumble in 2 weeks. 

• Hurt Feelings - Recently a couple of people have said things that have hurt my feelings. My initial assessment was to be angry at them. Then it was to tell myself to 'man up' neither were correct. People will always do or say things that may hurt you. You have to decipher if they are being intentionally malicious or are simply unaware of what they've done. If they're being malicious, uppercut them in their jaw. (I know you’re probably waiting for me to say "Just Kidding”.....Don't hold your breath) But if you know,  they'd be upset to know they'd hurt you, deal with how you feel about it and move on. Holding onto it only hurts you further. If that means letting them know,  how what they did made you feel,  do so! But sometimes it may just be a lesson for you and your emotions. It can actually be quite a positive one. Someone said something on Friday that upset me and it bugged me ever since, but today, I reminded myself, to let it go. I don't think they meant it maliciously, but if they did, fuck it, its there opinion and they are entitled to it. It doesn't make it true.

See, there is more good than bad to have come out of the last few weeks. I feel better today than I have done in a while. Life has  taken some unexpected but interesting turns, but most importantly I have laughed a hell of a lot, which means somewhere in there, I'm happy. In the end that's all I'm asking for and no matter what's happened, I haven't lost that. #happylife 

So I'm going to take my happy ass off to watch Aquaman, because I've ever been sad watching Jason Momoa😍 and then get ready for the season finale of Game of Thrones. I can't believe this shits about to end. There's been so many mixed feelings and discussions about this season, I just cant wait to see how they end it because at this point it could be super great or super disappointing. #JonSnowtotakethethrone.

Highlight of this Season: Arya being the gangsta bitch we know her to be and fucking up the night king.
Disappointment of the Season: Apart from the whole series feeling rushed, Daenerys turning into a vengeful psycho AKA Cersei

But 24 hours from know we'll know how its ends.

Have a great day, remember you're a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow 💖