Time To Figure S*** Out : Mini Meltdown, Major Lesson

I started my pursuit of happiness in a bid to live my best life.

I knew the journey would be more like a marathon than a sprint. However, this is feeling more like a Triathlon. If swimming was the first stage, cycling was the second and running was the third, I'm at the 'My arms are getting tired part of the swim, but we still have another 50 laps to go' stage.

Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash

I want to say its more difficult that I assumed it would be. But I think in actuality, I just had more to work through than I thought. There are numerous distracting factors, that I didn't even consider, would have an impact. I figured all I had to do was to start trying new things, change my bad habits and everything would fall into place. In reality I was about to gain some insight into the hurdles that would present themselves, along the way.

Unhappiness - I've written about how unhappy I've actually felt and the mask of happiness that I wear on a daily basis to cover it up. I seem to have worn it so well, I even fooled myself.

The Mind Fuck Twins - Anxiety & Depression are still playing their part in slowing down my progress and throwing me off track. Fair play, I always manage to pick myself up and dust myself off, but it's very time consuming to always be correcting my path. However, it also serves as a learning curve in how to keep fighting. As inconvenient as it can be, it plays its part in making me stronger. I learn new ways of coping, as well as different things that can trigger me. I'm also learning to listen to my mind a little bit more each time, when it tells me to take a minute for myself.

Self-love - I have previously spoken about how oblivious I've been, to the fact that I haven't entertained self-love enough. It's a lot harder than I anticipated to elevate this up to the level it should be at. I've spent a lot of my life, not realising how little value I put on my self-worth, so understandably, its going to take a while to undo. But undo it we must!

Negative Thinking / Fear - These 2 are probably the worst of them all. They effect all of the above. A little sprinkle of either one, can trigger 1 if not all 3 of the other obstacles. These 2 probably take the most work to overcome. Fighting that little voice that says “You can’t do this” or “ You’re not good enough”

In light of all of the above, its not been all doom and gloom. Experiencing the difficulties of the above are all apart of the graft needed to live my best life. Because living my best life doesn't mean there are no sad, mad or bad days. Its pushing through those days to get back to enjoying the good. It's making mistakes and bad decisions. Its going from being in a bad place and not being able to get out of bed to being a good place and watching Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle whilst eating chocolate covered pretzels giggling my ass off. Its feeling overwhelmed and stressed out by upcoming decisions, but still remembering to laugh. Its worrying about a situation that could already be out of my hands, but still reading my book on the train home.

When in a place of darkness it can be hard to see the light. But so far, no matter how much darkness has surrounded me, the light always manages to gets through. Obviously I worry that one day, the light may become dull. But in 36 years, that bitch has always found a way to shine bright like a diamond.

I have a lot on my plate to figure out right now. Some things are confusing. Some are exciting Some are scary. But all are for the greater good. I have no idea what the future holds. What I do know, is that life is too short to spend it unhappy, especially if you can avoid it. So here's to being happy. Because why would you want to be anything else. So with that in mind, I'm going to give a shout out to a few things that have made me happy over the last week.....

1. Dinerama - Went for dinner with my boys. Had some great food. There is so much on offer that I didn't even get around to tryinf. Sooooo, if anyone fancies a trip over there, count me in.

2. Sunshine Blogger Award - Feel so lucky to have been nominated for award this by 2 lovely bloggers Chloe Fry and Time to Talk (will try and get a post done for this very soon) as well as The Liebster Award (Check out my previous post)

3. Cooking - Made my BBQ lamb ribs on Saturday. The fact that there are no pictures of them, tells you how fast they got eaten.

4. What If - If you haven’t yet see this series on Netflix, watch it. Renee Zellwegger, is no Bridget Jones in this show.

5. Funny Memes - I pinned some shit on Pinterest this week that almost made me die laughing

6. Meditation - I seriously LOVE the calm app. Headspace is also really good app to use.

7. Miles Davis - Listening to this guy with John Coltrane at the Olympia Theatre, Paris on you-tube. Mood Booster Music! I'm talking 'dancing round my kitchen like I'm the one playing the Sax' good music.