Mini Meltdown, Major Lesson

I started my pursuit of happiness in a bid to live my best life. 

Photo by Steve Harvey on Unsplash

I knew the journey would be more like a marathon than a sprint. However, this is feeling more like a Triathlon. If swimming was the first stage, cycling was the second and running was the third, I'm at the 'My arms are getting tired part of the swim, but we still have another 50 laps to go' stage.

 

Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash

I want to say its more difficult that I assumed it would    be. But I think in actuality, I just had more to work  through than I thought. There are numerous distracting   factors, that I didn't even consider, would have an impact.  I figured all I had to do was to start trying new things, change my bad habits and everything would fall into place. In reality I was about to gain some insight into the  hurdles that would present themselves, along the way. 

• Unhappiness - I've written about  how unhappy I've actually felt and the mask of happiness that I wear on a daily basis to cover it up. I seem to have worn it so well, I even fooled myself. 

• The Mind Fuck Twins - Anxiety & Depression are still playing their part in slowing down my progress and throwing me off  track. Fair play, I always manage to pick myself up and dust myself off, but it's very time consuming to always be correcting my path. However, it also serves as a learning curve in how to keep fighting. As inconvenient as it can be, it plays its part in making me stronger.  I learn new ways of coping, as well as different things that can trigger me. I'm also learning to listen to my mind a little bit more each time, when it tells me to take a minute for myself.

• Self-love - I have previously spoken about how oblivious I've been, to the fact that I haven't entertained self-love enough. It's a lot harder than I anticipated to elevate this up to the level it should be at. I've spent a lot of my life, not realising how little value I put on my self-worth, so understandably, its going to take a while to undo. But undo it we must!

• Negative Thinking / Fear - These 2 are probably the worst of them all. They effect all of the above. A little sprinkle of either one,  can trigger 1 if not all 3 of the other obstacles. These 2 probably take the most work to overcome. Fighting that little voice that says “You can’t do this” or “ You’re not good enough” 

In light of all of the above, its not been all doom and gloom. Experiencing the difficulties of the above are all apart of the graft needed to live my best life. Because living my best life doesn't mean there are no sad, mad or bad days. Its pushing through those days to get back to enjoying the good. It's making mistakes and bad decisions. Its going from being in a bad place and not being able to get out of bed to being a good place and watching Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle whilst eating chocolate covered pretzels giggling my ass off. Its feeling overwhelmed and stressed out by upcoming decisions, but still remembering to laugh. Its worrying about a situation that could already be out of my hands, but still reading my book on the train home.

When in a place of darkness it can be hard to see the light. But so far, no matter how much darkness has surrounded me, the light always manages to gets through. Obviously I worry that one day, the light may become dull. But in 36 years, that bitch has always found a way to shine bright like a diamond. 

I have a lot on my plate to figure out right now. Some things are confusing. Some are exciting Some are scary. But all are for the greater good. I have no idea what the future holds. What I do know, is that life is too short to spend it unhappy, especially if you can avoid it. So here's to being happy. Because why would you want to be anything else. So with that in mind, I'm going to give a  shout out to a few things that have made me happy over the last week.....

1. Dinerama - Went for dinner with my boys. Had some great food. There is so much on offer that I didn't even get around to tryinf. Sooooo, if anyone fancies a trip over there, count me in.

             

2. Sunshine Blogger Award - Feel so lucky to have been nominated for award this by 2 lovely bloggers Chloe Fry  and Time to Talk (will try and get a post done for this very soon) as well as The Liebster Award  (Check out my previous post)

3. Cooking - Made my BBQ lamb ribs on Saturday. The fact that there are no pictures of them, tells you how fast they got eaten.

4. What If - If you haven’t yet see this series on Netflix, watch it. Renee Zellwegger, is no Bridget Jones in this show.

5. Funny Memes - I pinned some shit on Pinterest this week that almost made me die laughing

6. Meditation - I seriously LOVE the calm app. Headspace is also really good app to use.

7. Miles Davis - Listening to this guy with John Coltrane at the Olympia Theatre, Paris on you-tube. Mood Booster Music!  I'm talking 'dancing round my kitchen like I'm the one playing the Sax' good music. 

Photo by Randalyn Hill on Unsplash

So let me end this post by sending out loads of loving vibes, happy thoughts and positive energy. 

Have a great day, remember you're a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow💖

The Liebster Award

A big smiley faced thank you to Split the Night for nominating me for the Liebster Award.

Considering I've only been blogging for a few months, its an honour to be nominated.

The Rules

• Give a shout out to the blogger that nominated you for the award and leave links back to their blog
• Post the award on your blog
• Write 11 random facts about yourself 
• Nominate 11 bloggers who you feel deserve it and tag them to share the love
• Answer 11 questions posted by the blogger lovely enough to nominate you and ask 11 questions 

11 Facts About Me 

1. I  was born 6 weeks premature - I only weighed 2.5lbs 
2. I had my jaw broken twice to get all 4 wisdom teeth out 
3. Red is my favourite colour
4. I despise green peas 
5. I love cartoons - Frozen and Lion King are my favourites 
6. I like to do a 10K weekly - haven't managed it as much in the last couple of months 
7. I currently have 6 tattoos - I got 4 of them in 1 month 
8. I was involved in a hit and run on a zebra crossing - The driver drove off 
9. I love all of Dan Brown's Books 
10. I didn't watch Lord of the Rings and The Godfather films until last year
11. I'm joey from friends when it comes to sharing food

11 Questions from Split 

1. Too wet or too dry? Not sure if we are talking about weather here..lol i.e. Too rainy or too sunny. If that's the case i will go with too sunny.
2. If you could choose to live in any time period, which would you choose? The 1920's as its when Jazz occurred.
3. Main course or Dessert? Dessert
4. Are you more curious about whats in the deepest part of the ocean or outer space? The ocean - I would like to see all the different types of sea life.
5. Have you ever tried to bake a cake from those 2 minute videos that make it look easy but then it wasn't? Unfortunately, I haven't.
6. Whats the most useless things you ever bought? Sorry folks, I actually don't know. I'm not saying I probably haven't, I just can't think of anything.
7. Would you rather travel to sunny beaches on interesting cities? I think now, I would have to say interesting cities, I'm liking seeing what other places have to offer.
8. What skill do you want the most to possess? Perseverance 
9. Have you ever done something and then instantly regretted it? Yes, told someone a secret and then thought shit, they may actually not keep there mouth shut.
10. Is there something you think needs to be invented? Haagen Daaz ice-cream with zero calories
11. Whats the biggest decision you have ever made? Maybe not so much a decision, but making peace with the fact  that having kids may not be meant for me?

My Nominees 

1. The Secret Diary of a Crohns Girl
2. Meditative Owl
3. Pages Places & Plate
4. Time to Talk
5. Chronicles of Creativeness
6. Curiosity Confession
7. Jessierenea
8. Herstun.com
9. The Chronically Unimaginable
10. Caledonian Kitty
11. Sunny Larue

Questions for my Nominees

1. Cheesecake or Carrot Cake?
2. If you could be a Marvel Character, who would it be?
3. If you were arrested for anything, what would it be?
4. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
5. Give one word, that your best friend would use to describe you?
6. What would be harder to give up food or sex?
7. If you could read minds, whose mind would you read?
8. Walking dead or Game of Thrones?
9. Which would you hate to lose the most, your hearing or your sight?
10. If money were no issue, what is one thing you would buy?
11. What would you living your best life consist of?

Have a great day, remember you are a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow 💓

Thinking it Through

Is me, planning the centre pieces for a polyamorous wedding between Anthony Joshua and Tom Hardy thinking? Its probably more day dreaming. 

I read a post on Linkedin recently about taking more time to think. There was a guy, (we'll call him bob) who advised that he spends most of his life travelling for work. This leaves him with a lot of occasions where he's waiting around in airports. He used to spend these little pockets of time catching up on emails and making phones calls. One day, whilst being slapped with a 4hr delay, rather than catch up on work, Bob decided to make use of the unexpected  time in the departure lounge, by simply sitting  and thinking. He sat and thought about life, about new business ideas and how to strategise for them. He came to learn, that as productive as it was, to get in that little bit extra work, between departures, taking some time out to just think about things had become beneficial to him.

Now, as an over-thinker, someone suggesting, to spend more time thinking, makes as much sense as running through a mud assault course, in your wedding dress, the morning of your wedding. Like I need to add thoughts to my ever expanding cognitive library. 

However, I've come to realise there is a difference between "Overthinking" and "Thinking". I spend at least 65% of my day overthinking. Which serves as a good explanation for my constant state of unrest. Thinking on the other hand is a totally different concept. Thinking is a way to plan things out. To create a process of how to get things done. Rather than the chaotic spinning of thoughts, doing a washing machine cycle in my mind, caused by overthinking. 

So after reading Bob's post, I started thinking about my pursuit of happiness. What I'm trying to achieve? The steps I've taken to get there? The steps I still need to take? The mistakes I've made that I need to learn from? The things that need less of my attention? The things that need more of my attention? 

I haven't been focusing on writing, as much as I would have liked, over the past couple of  months, which is pulling me further away from my dream life. So taking the time to think about all of the things I want and ways I can achieve them , has put me back on a more productive path. 

Its not just my career goals that I've been deliberating. I've also been reflecting on the fact that its time to start dating. Time to start making the time to get to know people. Time to start making the effort to go on dates. I'm not saying I want to kiss any frogs, but if it helps me to find my prince, I'm gonna apply some MAC Ruby Woo and  pucker up.  

I also need to get my ass in gear with ticking things off of my bucket list....

• Cooking & Baking - Need to try a few new recipes 
• Podcasts - I want to add some more motivational and funny ones to my library 
• Reading more - Would like to get through 2 books a month rather than 1 
• Watching less TV (but not giving it up completely) Netflix is like a fleece blanket for me - very comforting.
• Working out consistently - I've actually gotten a little better with this one, but there is still room for improvement                                                                                                            

Its not like I've forgotten all of the above, but apparently if its not on a post-it at the forefront of my mind, it kind of drifts to the back and puts its feet up. 
Like they say "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" although maybe "Out of Thought, Out of Mind" is more applicable to this situation. 

Photo by Marion Michele on Unsplash

So in between thinking about ways to get me writing more, how best to smash my goals and where myself and my 2 future husbands are going on honeymoon (sometimes you have to daydream a little bit 😄) I've got my mojo back.  It feels like I have 'thought' my way back into a more positive attitude. Like thinking about all of the things I want to do, made me happier and gave me that energy back to go for it. 

 I guess that's where the phrase "Think Happy Thoughts" comes from.

Side note: If you feel you need a little extra help, finding your happy place, turn your head slightly to the right and check out this cute pic of a dog in a swing. Seriously....I'm not even a dog person and that's making me smile. 

Have a great day, remember you're a unicorn and don't let anybody shit on your rainbow 💖